TheDerpChronicles
Posts : 7
Join date : 2013-11-07
Age : 35
Location : A coding patch
 |  Subject: Bluberry  Thu Nov 07, 2013 1:32 am | |
| Bluberry Gender:Female Species:Unicorn Mane: Dark Blue, Darkish Blue Tail: Same as mane Eyes: Light Blue Body: Light Blue (lighter than eyes) Cutie Mark: 5 Blueberries Age (Baby,adult): Adult Personality: Shy, Courageous (As Bluberry may not talk to many ponies, Bluberry does live on a coding patch that she coded herself to make a bridge to her farm. Only Unicorns and Pegasus can get over, so Bluberry must lift Straw Berry to and fro, fro and to. Its kind of a mess getting to Sugarcube Corner to get breakfast every day.) Likes: Her Family, Manehattan, Blueberries, Strawberries, Socks, Ponyville, Glasses, Unicorns Dislikes: Bran, Cancer, Blindness, Boats, Raspberries (that tanginess  ), Pigs, Elephants History: Bluberry was born on May 18, 1999. She has been influenced with bullying, and soon escaped it. When she was 3, Bluberry used her horn and picked up some blueberries. One of Bluberry's younger sisters ran up with a huge spider on her head, and 5 blueberries spilled out of the pile and killed the spider. Her flank then glowed, and her cutie mark appeared. Bluberry was born with 5 sisters and 6 brothers, so 12 fillies altogether. Bluberry met a handsome pony named Watermelon Bash in Manehattan College, and married him soon after. They had 2 fillies: Grape Twist, and Pineapple Swift. Straw Berry, their third filly, was adopted on the street. Grape Twist is a unicorn, Pineapple Swift (the only boy) is a Pegasus, and Straw Berry is a blind earth pony. Today, Bluberry lives on a farm in a batch of unused coding with her family. Example RP segment: Bluberry is walking on a active bomb site to get to her coding farm, and sees the street to the coding. Bluberry sees a little foal staring at its dead mother. The foal continuously cries, and Bluberry gallops up. She holds the foal by its hoof and says "Its alright, little guy." Bluberry then notices the foal is blind. "What's your name?" says the foal. "Mine's Bluberry. And yours?" "M.. My name is Straw Berry.." Straw Berry continues to watch as the last drips of life slip away from her mother. "How can you see that?" says Bluberry. "I cant see it, but I can sense it." Bluberry wipes away Straw Berry's tears, and says "You see that coding patch over there?" Straw Berry nods. "I can sense it, yes." Bluberry picks up Straw Berry, and takes her across the coding patch into the farm. [Acceptance]
Last edited by TheDerpChronicles on Sat Nov 09, 2013 12:53 am; edited 5 times in total | |
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Callilian
Posts : 1654
Join date : 2013-02-27
Location : Lost to the sands of time.
| | Subject: Re: Bluberry Thu Nov 07, 2013 2:25 am | |
| Hi there, It seems that you didn't read over the rules thoroughly. These places might be of aid to you: https://mlp-fim-oc-rp.rpg-board.net/t1169-the-rules- RP Segment:
- Korenav wrote:
- Changes to character sheets!
To encourage more developement of characters and require some competency in role play, all characters hereafter are required to have a short RP segment on their sheet.
Its pretty simple. Pick one of the five situations provided below and roleplay out the initial situation. This will go on your character template under the RP segment area. It doesn't have to be pages, but a simple sentence or two is not enough. This will reflect your ability to RP along with your style and you will be approved based on it.
Pick one of the following:
1. A foal has lost its mother and is sobbing inconsolably in the street . Given your OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.
2. A secret admirer confesses his/her love to your OC. Given your OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.
3. It is pouring rain outside. Your OC spots the light of a tavern up ahead. The tavern is filled with ponies that your OC doesn't know. Given your OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.
4. Your OC is framed by a robber who plants his weapon on him/her. A Guardpony threatens to take your OC into custody. Given your OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.
5. A colt is bullying a filly in the Manehattan street. When your OC looks to him, he turns to your OC and snaps, "What're you looking at?" Given your OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.
A few things I can point out before the mods arrive: 1. Our forum roleplays in third-person past tense, so if you could please shift your app to fit appropriately, that'd be great. 2. Mention of canon characters (yes, I'm sorry to say, Derpy is one) is prohibited. We're a strictly OC site. 3. I'm afraid the cutie mark at birth concept won't slide. It defeats the purpose of a cutie mark in the first place, which is to discover what makes that pony special. 4. The personality section needs to be at least a paragraph in length. If you need a guideline, you can check my first oc for help: https://mlp-fim-oc-rp.rpg-board.net/t1417-calla-lilyThat should be it. The mods should be in contact shortly to point out anything that I missed :) Happy rping! | |
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TheDerpChronicles
Posts : 7
Join date : 2013-11-07
Age : 35
Location : A coding patch
| | Subject: Re: Bluberry Thu Nov 07, 2013 10:47 pm | |
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Doodle Bug
Posts : 1450
Join date : 2012-11-06
| | Subject: Re: Bluberry Sat Nov 09, 2013 4:10 pm | |
| This is still way too short. Like I said, your personality needs to be at least a paragraph or more which includes a minimum of 5 sentences. Also, your grammar is very choppy which means there isn't enough space from period to period in the sentences. Plus the bomb isn't in Equestrian history since the technology hasn't been enhanced that far yet. The Rp segment is a bit too dark for forum standards also. | |
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