I felt betrayed that a meeting was called behind my back. Well not that it was called behind my back, I knew it was coming, I got all of Kore's meeting time PMs. What I'm upset about is that no one even told me what the meeting was about until it happened. I was later told that everyone was supposed to voice their concerns and help me improve. It felt like a damn interrogation.
Excluding one incident, though there was no malice in it, I don't attack unless I think I'm being attacked. I don't remember what all I said at the meeting, but I do know most of it was BS. I was enraged that what I thought was a personal matter was being shown out to everyone to read and criticize me for so I lashed out in whatever manner I saw fit for those points in time.
I sunk deeper into the depression I was already in. To all my fellow mods and admins, I think of you all as my family and friends mostly due to the fact that I only have two other people in my biological one, my half-brother and father. Because of that, what happened on Saturday really hit me hard and I'll be the first person to admit that I'm not the most logical person when I'm emotional, which is why I isolated myself for most of Sunday to make sure I wouldn't wreck anything else. But I did. I went to Mriia looking for support and when I received none, undoubtedly because she was busy with something I didn't bother to ask about, I lashed out at her and I deeply apologize for that.
I also extend a personal apology to 1nc for thinking he orchestrated the meeting since the incident that lead to it involved the both of us when in actuality it was other people who were concerned and subsequently extracted the information out of him. So 1nc, though we don't talk much, this incident shouldn't break all communications between us and I apologize for severing them.
One last personal apology, I apologize to Korenav, my best friend here and also my most bitter rival. I don't agree with how he talks when it comes to important issues and sometimes his general personality. That doesn't mean I should have let our occasional skirmishes spill out into the meeting as I grasped for things to argue about. I am thankful that he tried to shift topics away from what I thought was an interrogation and public shaming. It was an admirable attempt to keep the peace. I apologize for my behavior toward him in the meeting, especially my character assassination, and for my assholish treatment of him last night.
To everyone else that attended I apologize for my unprofessional behavior and for any hurt feelings from watching the fight go on, Iccy in particular took that hard and no one wants to upset Iccy. My behavior was very unprofessional for a moderator and it is with a sound mind that I ask to be allowed to continue to be one, though I understand if that differs from the opinions of my peers.
For all the bad that happened, at least it didn't turn out like this: