Voiceover: Now welcome to the stage, Princess Celestia's most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle!
Twi: (Singing) There are ponies in the world who are hungry/ there are ponies in the world who are cold/we've got to rise up a nation/ we've got to show the world we care about/ the ponies in world who are hun-
[Pinkie Pie drops in from the ceiling]
Pin: Hey, Twilight, have you had dinner yet? There is so much food back there, the catering is fantastic. To be expected from Sugarcube Corner, of course! [Money register sound effect] I'm like, taking one bite out of every cupcake, and throwing it away! They're just that good. [laughs] Anyway, you should eat something before the show starts.
Twi: ...Pinkie, the show has started.
Pin: The intro, you mean.
Twi: No, I mean yes! Look at the cameras! Look at the audience!
[Pinkie Pie looks at you. Yes, you.]
Twi: No, look the other wa- You've ruined the heartfelt opening number!
Pin: We're doing the heartfelt opening number? For a comedy thread?
Twi: This show's for charity!
Pin: Well we've tried it your way, Twi. Now we're going to try mine... Let's PARTY!
[Stage lights up. DJ PON-3 starts music in the back of the stage. Twi is dragged off the stage by Rainbow Dash and a Blonde White Pegasus. Pinkie Pie takes centre stage]
Pin: Phone rings on a Tuesday night, who could be calling here?
Voice on the other end says that she's a volunteer!
Then she asked if I wanted to host their comedy show,
But Gummy's birthday party clashed, so I said no!
Then I realised I could just have had the birthday party there,
So I called them back, but they got themselves a cross-eyed mare!
[Backdrop changes to have a picture and the headline MAILMARE TO HOST CANTERLOT COMEDY CHARITY CONVENTION]
Pin: 'What did they hire her for?' 'She a favourite of the fans.'
'I'm the element of laughter!' 'Sorry, the bronies had demands!'
I was so shocked, what was I going to do....
Suddenly, I had a plan- I kidnapped Derpy Hooves!
[Backdrop changes to headline MAILMARE MISSING]
Pin: It's going to be a magical night!
Backstage voice: Help, these ropes are tied really tight!
[Headline: ELEMENT OF LAUGHTER TO HOST 4C]
Pin: Stand up, hooves up, stomp them if you feel elation,
But only if you're comfortable with audience participation,
Most of you are not,
Well, it's Canterlot,
But before we can begin, I have to do some explanation,
For the Canterlot Comedy Charity Celebration,
Each OC has one post,
To make us laugh the most,
To become the next hilarious sensation,
And help support the poor of our nation!
I am sorry if I'm a little bit too OOC,
I'm sorry that this post lacks originality,
Backstage voice: You'll be sorry when I become finally free.
Pin: Oh well, mea culpa! ENJOY THE COMEDY!
[Power chord, then Pinkie Pie vanishes in a puff of smoke]
Voiceover: And now, please welcome to our stage, our first guest, the magnificent...