My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
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My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP

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 Breezedancer

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TerminalMarch



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PostSubject: Breezedancer   Sat Jul 11, 2015 5:01 pm

[size=31]Breezedancer[/size]

Gender: Mare
Species: Pegasus
Mane: Two-toned grey
Tail: Same as mane
Eyes: Violet
Body: Grey
Cutie Mark: a silver windshear
Age (Baby,adult): Aduly
Personality: A free spirit, she spends most of her day flying above the clouds, she loves the joy of flight and frequently attempts to astonish ponies on the ground with her aerial acrobatics. She likes hanging out with others, primarily other Pegasi. She is an energetic extrovert despite preferring to keep a circle of a few good friends.
Likes: Flying, windy days, other ponies who share some of her interests. She prefers to hang out with Pegasi who can match her fair speed in flight, enjoying the challenge of an equally matched rival.
Dislikes: Being grounded, ponies who can't keep up with her. She gets annoyed when ponies, especially other Pegasi can't keep up with her physically or otherwise.
History: Born in Cloudsdale to a pair of humble weather factory workers, her wings were abnormally large at birth due to a birth defect that had a bit of a history in her family. When she was learning to fly, her large wings got in the way and often tired her more quickly due to the added bulk. She grew up above the clouds and found her calling creating strong winds near the city to keep storm clouds from getting to close. She has since moved to Ponyville and works for the weather team there. She has her own cloud home in the skies above Ponyville. She acquired rather late, she was a teenager at the time and was helping Cloudsdale prepare for a large storm, but the storm arrived earlier than expected and caused a building to collapse, trapping some ponies inside. The winds around Cloudsdale were too strong for rescue ponies to get in and aid the trapped ponies, Breezedancer, who was helping some foals find their parents, noticed the winds impeding the rescue crew, and she went to try to redirect the wind. She flew up to the windstorm and spread her wings, the feathers catching the wind and reflecting it back to the eye of the storm, slowly dissipating it. Shortly after this event, her cutie mark had appeared on her flanks.. And with that came her talent of storm control, this is because she can generate more force with her large wings. (she can't physically control storms, but she can manipulate their path with a certain level of precision)

Example RP segment:

Breezedancer quietly trotted through the Manehattan streets in the winter, feeling the snow crunching under her hooves as she took a breath of the icy air. She smiled and walked past a small school, she spotted pair of colts standing over a cowering filly. She slowly approached, her wings unfurled slightly, one of the colts turned around and glared at her. "What're you looking at?!" The colt snapped in a tone made barely threatening due to his high pitched voice. "I'm looking at you bullying that poor filly, and I think you should stop." Breezedancer said firmly, her expression remaining neutral.

"And if we don't?" The other, slightly older colt asked snidely, drawing a switchblade from his saddlebag.

"You see those two ponies over there?" Breezedancer replied calmly, gesturing to a pair of stallions in dark blue uniforms. "They are security guards working for the school, so unless you two wanna get in trouble with them, I suggest you leave this filly alone."

The two colts exchanged glances for a moment, looking upset. "Fine! But when those guards aren't around, you'll be in for a whooping!"

"Heh.. I'd like to see you try." Breezedancer retorted, rolling her eyes. "Numbskulls." She added softly before walking over to the filly. "You ok kid?"


[Acceptance]


Last edited by Lou on Mon Jul 13, 2015 12:12 pm; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : Added to her personality, changed some likes/dislikes, added prompt, and edited her talent slightly)
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Lou



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PostSubject: Re: Breezedancer   Sat Jul 11, 2015 5:18 pm

Add more to the personality, at least two more lines. How does she respond to the likes and dislikes? Is she good at making friends, or is she a natural introvert? Those are just some examples. Also add a couple more things to the likes and dislikes.

For the history, explain how Breezedancer got her cutie mark. You could also put in what her fillyhood was like. Did she have a good relationship with her parents? Any siblings? When and why did she move to Ponyville?

While your example RP is good, we would prefer it if you followed the prompts that are located at the bottom of the Character Application post, so we can accurately judge how your OC acts in different situations.

I don't think Ponyville has its own weather team, but I'll have to check up on that.

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PostSubject: Re: Breezedancer   Sat Jul 11, 2015 5:22 pm

Ok, I'll work on that..
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Lou



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PostSubject: Re: Breezedancer   Sat Jul 11, 2015 5:25 pm

I just looked it up. Ponyville doesn't have an official weather team like Cloudsdale, it's really just a group of ponies that Rainbow Dash threw together to help. So I guess it's alright for her to help control the weather in Ponyville, but she can't come in contact with RD because that would be interfering with the OC purposes of this site.

If you want, you could change it so that Breeze lives in Ponyville but works part-time for the Cloudsdale weather team or something. :3

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PostSubject: Re: Breezedancer   Sat Jul 11, 2015 5:44 pm

I still need more on the likes and dislikes. And which example RP prompt are you doing? The RP segment you have doesn't seem to match up with any of them.

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PostSubject: Re: Breezedancer   Sat Jul 11, 2015 5:48 pm

Oh, sorry, I forgot to look over there. I'll do that.
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PostSubject: Re: Breezedancer   Sat Jul 11, 2015 5:53 pm

I found one more thing. You say that Breezedancer can somewhat control the direction of the wind. I assume she's able to do that because her wings look fairly large, but to me it seems to be getting a little too close to the "no special abilities outside of the species' natural ability" rule. I apologize if I'm wrong, but maybe you could tone down the extent of her abilities just a little bit?

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PostSubject: Re: Breezedancer   Sat Jul 11, 2015 6:05 pm

Her talent stems from the size of her wings, it's natural that Pegasi with larger wings would have more control over the wind.
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PostSubject: Re: Breezedancer   Sat Jul 11, 2015 6:11 pm

Alright. This should be the last thing you need to change. Could you add something in her history about her large wings? Are they a birth defect? Is it genetic?

The reason I want an explanation is because large ponies tend to have large wings, and Breeze is not large. And by large I mean Celestia-sized. I do think it's a cool part of the OC though, kind of like how Scootaloo's wings are too small.

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PostSubject: Re: Breezedancer   Sat Jul 11, 2015 7:05 pm

It's a birth defect, I'll add in the details.
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PostSubject: Re: Breezedancer   Sat Jul 11, 2015 7:28 pm

Everything finally works out, thank you. I declare you approved! Have fun!

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PostSubject: Re: Breezedancer   Today at 8:58 pm

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