My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
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My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP

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 Metal Spark

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Delix



Posts : 1732
Join date : 2015-05-21
Age : 17
Location : Republic of Germany

PostSubject: Metal Spark   Sat May 23, 2015 7:19 pm

Metal Spark


Artwork made by adcon22 OMG THANK YOU!!


(Artwork made by Lou) THANK YOU!! :D

Foal Metal Spark :3

Second Artwork made by adcon22.. also THANK YOU!! :D

Pony creator image:


Some Metal x Starflower pics



Both artworks made by my lovely girlfriend Eevee! Thank you! :3

Family Pic
http://viperswan.deviantart.com/art/Starflower-Metal-Spark-Family-552409134

Gender: male
Species: unicorn
Mane: long, grey & dark yellow
Tail: long and "spiky" grey & dark yellow
Eyes: yellow
Body: grey
Cutie Mark: a grey gear
Age: adult (29)
Personality: Metal is an engineer with a quite creative mind. He often spends days in his workshop building something or fixing things. He's not that much of a chatter but He's a pretty good friend and a great father

Likes: industry, engineering, repairing things, drinking coffee, working, cold days, His Mare-friend Starflower,classical music, nice ponies

Dislikes: sad things, being rude, being lame, fighting, rain, water, being sick, stupid people, old things, when something goes completely wrong, loud noises.
  
History:
Metal Spark was born in an industrial town of Soviet Russia . His parents didn't have much money and he had an older sister, both parents worked in a steel factory. When Metal was just a colt, his father taught him everything about engineering and how to use his magic. His dad showed him how to put gears together, he learned pretty fast how mechanics work. Later he discovered his talent of repairing things and got his cutie mark when he tried to fix the broken doorlock of his dads workshop. As an adult he began to work as an engineer at a factory in Manehatten after he Studied engineering at a school in his hometown, and after a few years there he moved to ponyville where he lives now.

Example RP segment: (Refer to post below)
A kid being bullied in Manehatten

Metal just went home from his workplace as he saw a little filly surrounded by a group of older Colts, they pushed her around and hit her. Metal quickly went to the group of colts "Hey leave her alone!" One kf the bullies answered "And what are you going to do?" Metal: "Well maybe I call one of the guards walking around here, and I dont think you will like sitting in jail" Bully: "Fine" *they walk away* Metal: "Everything okay?" little filly: "Yeah I guess, thank you"




[Acceptance]


Last edited by Delix on Tue Aug 16, 2016 4:38 am; edited 32 times in total
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Doodle Bug



Posts : 1399
Join date : 2012-11-06

PostSubject: Re: Metal Spark   Mon May 25, 2015 6:20 am

Hiya! I'm Doodle, your friendly neighborhood Admin ready to approve! But before I can, this looks cool but can you please expand on the personality? Say 5-6 lines of text? :) Also, the likes and dislikes are a bit low, can you please put in a few more!! Your grammar and punctuation could also use another look over ^^
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Delix



Posts : 1732
Join date : 2015-05-21
Age : 17
Location : Republic of Germany

PostSubject: Re: Metal Spark   Mon May 25, 2015 9:35 am

okay ive added some information and corrected all mistakes i could see , if there is still something to add/change please let me know :)

_________________
===My OC's===
Metal Spark The engineer
Mint Berry The friendly gardener
Lexa Coldwind The friendly, energetic pegasus
Fried Crisp "Fry" The kind street cook
__________________________________
I love you forever Jackie x3
My cuddly cutie

__________________________________
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sBxI5mb_eU

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Doodle Bug



Posts : 1399
Join date : 2012-11-06

PostSubject: Re: Metal Spark   Mon May 25, 2015 11:08 am

Alrighty!

I see that this sentence and name mentions need a capital first letter and the word 'teached' should taught. Also, I noticed that you mentioned calling Metal a filly. Fillies are usually baby girl ponies where colts are usually male baby ponies.

1. The whole personality is one big run on sentence. So could you please split it up! ^^

2. The word Music in likes/dislikes is misspelled

3. "his parents both worked in a steel factory , when metal was just a filly his father teached him everything about engineering and how to use his magic."

4. "Later he discovered his talent of repairing things when his dad showed him how to put metal gears together, he learned pretty fast how mechanics work. 1 year later he got his cutie mark when he tried to fix the broken doorlock of his dads workshop and it worked. As an adult he began to work as an engineer at a shop in Manehatten."

If he discovered his talent of repairing things when his dad showed him, why did he get his cutie-mark one year later?

5. "2 months after the accident metal leaved the town and moved to Ponyville he never wanted to visit this place again. When metal arrived in Ponyville he felt a bit strange away from all the factories and the big city."

There should be a comma right after accident and Metal should be capitalized as it is his name. :) Also 'leaved' should be 'left'.

Also, in history, did he ever have any siblings? How was his home life? After that, all you need are a bunch of capital letters and I think that's it :)

Metal seems like an awesome OC and I can't wait to meet him!

I am also so so so sorry this is so late >.< Work has me tied down all hours of the day XD
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Delix



Posts : 1732
Join date : 2015-05-21
Age : 17
Location : Republic of Germany

PostSubject: Re: Metal Spark   Mon May 25, 2015 11:44 am

well .. i have done everything you said. atleast i hope so xD .. im german and my english grammar skills arent that good.

_________________
===My OC's===
Metal Spark The engineer
Mint Berry The friendly gardener
Lexa Coldwind The friendly, energetic pegasus
Fried Crisp "Fry" The kind street cook
__________________________________
I love you forever Jackie x3
My cuddly cutie

__________________________________
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sBxI5mb_eU

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Doodle Bug



Posts : 1399
Join date : 2012-11-06

PostSubject: Re: Metal Spark   Tue May 26, 2015 12:59 am

his parents didn't have much money and he was the only child in the family, both worked in a steel factory. When metal was just a colt his father teached him everything about engineering and how to use his magic.

Where teached should be taught and adding in some capitals as mentioned below!

This part in history (Second sentence) still needs fixing as well as some capitals in the rp sentence!

"Never seen somepony like you around here", "are you new?" "whats your name?". "y..yes, i just arrived!" "My name is Metal Spark." He said. "So.. what brings you here?".. "Well i was looking for something new after what happened earlier".. "Ok

New sentences or speech text alone as well as I's if mentioning yourself needs capitalization!!

After this, I don't see any problem!
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Delix



Posts : 1732
Join date : 2015-05-21
Age : 17
Location : Republic of Germany

PostSubject: Re: Metal Spark   Tue May 26, 2015 1:27 am

Ok Done everything

capitalized history ✅
changed teached to taught ✅
capitalized all I's ✅
checked everything again ✅

If there is still something please let me know :D

_________________
===My OC's===
Metal Spark The engineer
Mint Berry The friendly gardener
Lexa Coldwind The friendly, energetic pegasus
Fried Crisp "Fry" The kind street cook
__________________________________
I love you forever Jackie x3
My cuddly cutie

__________________________________
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sBxI5mb_eU

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Doodle Bug



Posts : 1399
Join date : 2012-11-06

PostSubject: Re: Metal Spark   Tue May 26, 2015 4:53 am

It looks good now! Approved! Although, I do think there's still a few lower cases in the Rp segment as well as the misspelled "Music" in the second line of the "Likes"
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Delix



Posts : 1732
Join date : 2015-05-21
Age : 17
Location : Republic of Germany

PostSubject: Re: Metal Spark   Tue May 26, 2015 10:10 am

*gasp* really? omg THANK YOU! and thanks for your help!

_________________
===My OC's===
Metal Spark The engineer
Mint Berry The friendly gardener
Lexa Coldwind The friendly, energetic pegasus
Fried Crisp "Fry" The kind street cook
__________________________________
I love you forever Jackie x3
My cuddly cutie

__________________________________
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sBxI5mb_eU

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Doodle Bug



Posts : 1399
Join date : 2012-11-06

PostSubject: Re: Metal Spark   Tue May 26, 2015 8:21 pm

No problem :D Have fun!
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adcon22



Posts : 26
Join date : 2015-06-02
Age : 19
Location : USA

PostSubject: Re: Metal Spark   Sat Aug 29, 2015 3:35 pm



Here you go!
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Delix



Posts : 1732
Join date : 2015-05-21
Age : 17
Location : Republic of Germany

PostSubject: Re: Metal Spark   Sat Aug 29, 2015 3:40 pm

Yay thanks! :D
Thats sooooo cute!!

_________________
===My OC's===
Metal Spark The engineer
Mint Berry The friendly gardener
Lexa Coldwind The friendly, energetic pegasus
Fried Crisp "Fry" The kind street cook
__________________________________
I love you forever Jackie x3
My cuddly cutie

__________________________________
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sBxI5mb_eU

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PostSubject: Re: Metal Spark   Today at 3:08 pm

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