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 Rosemary Star (Finished)

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cynda1



Posts : 9
Join date : 2015-03-20

PostSubject: Rosemary Star (Finished)   Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:59 pm

ROSEMARY STAR
Gender: Female

Species: Unicorn

Mane: Refer to the picture above

Tail: Refer to the picture above

Eyes: Refer to the picture above

Body: Refer to the picture above. She also wears a scarf that is the same color as the bow.

Cutie Mark: A rose surrounded by stars. She also wears a scarf that matches the color of her bow.

Age (Baby,adult): Adult

Personality: Rosemary Star, Rose or Star for short, is a practical pony, and thinks very intensely about how things can be useful to herself or other ponies around her. If she deems them as useless, Rose won't think to use them. Because of this, she also has a sense of logic about her. This unicorn doesn't understand emotion very well, will often hurt other ponies' feelings without meaning to, and will often remain oblivious of anyone's feelings being hurt for quite a while.

Of course, she isn't a jerk, so the moment she realizes she does something wrong, she is quick to correct her mistake. However, she can also be hard to reason with since she relies more on her intelligence than on anything else. She always assumes that she is the only pony who knows what she's trying to say. Because of this, she always tries to put other's opinion below her own even though she never admits this out loud.

Despite her intelligence, she tends to prefer to look at the problem staring her in the face at the moment rather than thinking of a future problem. Star doesn't think she can control the future or past as well as her present, so it irritates her when someone tries to get her to consider other problems that could occur, but hasn't. It's illogical for her to fluster over something that might not even happen. Of course, this also gets her into a lot of trouble, because then there are things that she didn't consider due to the fact that she didn't think about what could happen in the future.

Rose is, however, very personable, social, and she has a sweet personality. Because of this, she tends to be a good peacemaker, believe it or not, and can use her resourcefulness to calm ponies' fears. She is also very friendly, will easily walk up to somepony, and ask them how their day was. She has an adventurous spirit and is always on a look out to go on some kind of journey. Even though she can handle going it alone if need be, she'd much rather have a companion or two to join her.

Rose believes in telling the truth, and has become so honest that she tends to tell the truth even when it hurts her. Because of this, she never really has any good experiences with lying, since they generally only make her look worse after just having told the truth. So, she lacks a lot of stealth, but she's really sure that any of her friends could back her up with that.

Likes: Science, Adventures, A good plan, Roses, The outdoors, Being with friends, Being right, Proving that she's superior

Dislikes: Frivolousness, Being bored, A failed plan, Dead flowers, Being stuck indoors, Arguments, Being wrong, Being humbled

History: Rose grew up in the gentle town of Trottingham, and was generally sheltered all her life. Or, at least, that's what her parents thought. You see her father was extremely over protective of his children, but for the longest time she was an only child. Being a sheltered unicorn who took pride in her above average IQ, Star grew tired of the boring Trottingham lifestyle real fast. The faster she got the ticket to get out of there, the better.

However, as a little filly living under the roof of her parents, the wait seemed to take forever. There were plenty of good things that came from her youth, though. For instance, her love for science was realized at a very young age as well as her love for adventure. In fact, her thirst for adventure and excitement was quenched for a little while when she was young.

One day her mother was desperately trying to figure out what was wrong with her roses, since that was her passion. For whatever reason her roses kept dying on her and it just broke her spirits to pieces. So, Rose volunteered to look it up for her since she had been working on her studying skills for a while and had become quite good at it.

Despite her mother saying no, Rose looked it up anyway. She read up on all she could about roses and what caused them to have a healthy life, or a not so healthy life. The conclusion that she came up with was that the particular soil that they were using for the flowers wasn't absorbing enough water for them to flourish, and thus they would always die. Unfortunately, because she was so young, no pony took her seriously, so she reasoned that it was up to her to fix it.

So, with the notebook she used to write down all the information she needed, she went in search of whatever shop she could find that held the type of soil Rose thought would help. This may have seemed to be a simple task to most pony folks, but to a sheltered unicorn such as herself, Rose thought that this was an extremely epic adventure. Not to mention she had a blast looking for the specific type of soil that she required.

Once the sac was purchased, she confronted her parents, who were not very happy about her buying the soil without their permission. Rose reasoned that they should at least give her theory a shot before jumping to conclusions that her idea wouldn't work. So finally they tried the soil on her mother's next batch of roses, and after a few days of hoping, it seemed as though Rose's solution worked. At that moment, Rose thanked the inspiration of science for this, and received her Cutie Mark.

Though her Cutie Mark was a rose, to this day, she knows that her destiny isn't tending to them. It was just the image of the object that inspired her to see her true destiny. Had it not been for the roses, her first adventure would have never begun.

However, from then on she had little opportunity to do what she knew she was meant to. Instead, she did the things her parents always thought she was meant to do. Even though they were good parents, they weren't good at listening to her. The biggest highlight of her childhood, which occurred when she was a teenager, was the birth of her baby brother, Royal Forest. He was an earth pony like their mother.

But shortly after that, she got into a big fight with her parents. She was completely fed up with their lack of listening skills, and was ready to tell them off. Finally putting her hoof down, she decided that she had enough of letting them choose everything for her. In the night, she sneaked out of the house and hadn't been back since. It has been two months since she left now, and Royal has since been eagerly looking for his Cutie Mark. He hopes that the next time they meet each other, he'll have it so that his big sister can see it. After all, he won't know the next time he'll get to see Rose.

Even though she has started to learn to miss her family, Rose now believes that it was for the best that she left. Even if her great ideas didn't help other ponies, she knew that this was at least better for her, her parents, and her little brother.

Example RP segment: (Refer to post below)

Rose trotted down the rode of Manehattan when she suddenly heard a call for help. The call seemed faint, so she reasoned that it was rather far away in the direction to her left. Galloping as fast as her legs could take her, she tried to hear over the thumping of her hooves, and though it was difficult, she finally found some mean colt pick on a poor defenseless filly.

She skidded to a halt, but that just seemed to catch the colt's attention. He glared intimidatingly at Rose before huffing hot air out of his big nostrils and growled. "What are you looking at?"

Despite her reasoning within herself to bolt, she pushed the consequences aside and tried to gather up as much courage as she could muster as she stood between the filly and the bully. "Well, I just couldn't help but notice that this filly seemed to be in quite the pediment." she gulped. "So, if you don't mind, could we come up with some sort of compromise so that we can all feel satisfied without getting hurt?"

As she allowed the colt some time to ponder this, she tried to use her yellow magic to levitate the filly onto her back, and tried to sneak away. Thanks to the fact that stealth was not her best skill, try was not used very loosely.

Acceptance


Last edited by cynda1 on Tue Mar 24, 2015 9:25 pm; edited 10 times in total
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Doodle Bug



Posts : 1401
Join date : 2012-11-06

PostSubject: Re: Rosemary Star (Finished)   Sun Mar 22, 2015 9:48 pm

It looks good so far, but you might need to resize the picture just a bit! Welcome! Fix your cutiemark pic for ya! I can't wait to see what it looks like when it's done! Also did you ask if you could use this pic from the original artist? Just using their picture and giving them credit for it without their actual permission is still stealing :/ sorry.
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Doodle Bug



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PostSubject: Re: Rosemary Star (Finished)   Tue Mar 24, 2015 5:34 pm

1. This unicorn doesn't understand emotion very well, and will often hurt other ponies' feelings without meaning to, and will often remain oblivious of anyone's feelings being hurt for quite a while.

If three commas are used in a series, there should only be one 'and' after the third comma. This is seen throughout the entire application as well as considered bad grammar. Using multiple commas too much in an area of text (be it paragraph or story) can often be seen as run-ons as well.

2. Of course, she isn't a jerk, so the moment she realizes she did something wrong, she'll take full responsibility for it.

Here, you're using both past, present, and future tense which could result in a very confusing story to the reader. I would highly suggest looking out for this and correcting it in the rest of the application! You could structure it like this or similar if you'd like:
"Whenever she caught herself making another pony unhappy, she would always take full responsibility for her actions!"
Same with the next sentence in the word: rely should be relies.

3. Even though she'll never say it out loud because she isn't sure if this is true or not, deep down she thinks that she is the only one with an opinion that matters, because she feels that she is the only one who knows what she's talking about.

This sentence is a bit of a run on which doesn't let the story flow properly. I don't believe the last part is needed in its whole form. How about something similar to: "She would always assume that she is the only pony who knows what she is trying to say. Because of this, she would put other's opinions below her own even though would never make this known." But you stick with the tense that you enjoy!



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Doodle Bug



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PostSubject: Re: Rosemary Star (Finished)   Tue Mar 24, 2015 10:55 pm

Approved! have fun!
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PostSubject: Re: Rosemary Star (Finished)   Today at 12:00 am

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