My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
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My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP

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 Grizz

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The-One-Who-Is-So-Evel



Posts : 64
Join date : 2014-06-10
Age : 19
Location : The Basement

PostSubject: Grizz   Tue Jun 10, 2014 12:35 pm

Name:Grizz
Image:
________________________________________
http://generalzoi.deviantart.com/art/Pony-Creator-Full-Version-254295904 site
paste this code to see him: 3K2C2S5000591818FFC49D020011E00FEUN1837000000001G10000006D2D2D07107F3FCC004CB2
p.s. sorry bout the missing cute mark

Gender:Male

Species:Earth Pony
Mane:Black
Tail:Black
Eyes:Deep Blue
Body:Light Brown
Cutie Mark: Wrench and screwdriver cross which stands for his repair abilities and being a mechanic.
Age (Baby,adult): Young Adult

Personality: Grizz is a caring pony with an eagerness to fix things. He will help a friend in need, but wont stand for somepony being mean to anypony else. Being as he is from a one child home, he has longed for a companion. This loneliness, however, was the motivation behind his engineering degree. He a long lasting temper that can almost never flare up, but if it does nopony should be around.

Likes: Grizz likes broken things, tincker toys, and his crossbow.
Dislikes: Grizz cant stand arrogant, and mean ponies. As well as, things broken beyond repair.

History: Grizz was born to a happy mother named Spark Plug and father named Motor Oil. He was a happy child who enjoy learning to build things. By age 4, he could take apart a motor and put it back together within minutes. At age 10, he had helped his parents open one of the first automotive repair shops in thier town. As he reached high school, Grizz discorvered that he had a real gift for what technologhy was present. He discovered this gift when his best friend, Lock Pick, broke into the teachers office. When Lock Pick opened the door, using his special talent, he broke the projector. Not want him to get in trouble, Grizz fixed the projector in a mere few minutes. This is the event that made his cutie mark appear. From that day forth, Grizz was devoted to learning about technology. After high school he got on an automotive scholarship to Canterlot University, graduating with an advanced engineering degree and opened his own repair shop in canterlot ame as the family's first making their now chain company very famous in the automotive world. Now he spends his days work on any and everything he can. This lead to his crowning achivement, the Ever Wheel. This evention was forged with steel and magic. It took the need out having to replace old cartwheels. Plus, with a new shock absorber, cart rides we're made much less bumpy. He lives in Canterlot, but sticks out like a sore thumb. He hopes one day to build a house just outside Canterlot and have a family of his own, but for now its back to that motor.

4.Your OC is framed by a robber who plants his weapon on him/her. A Guardpony threatens to take your OC into custody. Given your OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.

Grizz was in his shop under a broken cart when he heard " Are you Grizzwald?" A whited coated gaurdpony said, as he pulled Grizz out from under the cart .

Grizz though shocked replied. " Yes, I am but its just Grizz its not short for Grizzwald. What seems to be the problem sir." Grizz asked politely.

He approach Grizz pulling what appeared to be knife from Grizz's uniform. " Thats what I thought. Sir your under arrest for armed robbery of the Trotty Mart ."

Grizz was stunned, but would never cause trouble. He did as he was instructed, and followed the guard to the Canterlot police station. He stepped in a holding cell, making idol conversation until.

" Grizzwald your free to go. The stallion whose hoof prints we pulled from this just tried to rob a Stall-Mart, when we arrested him and compared prints."

" I'm so relieved." He was a bit ticked that he called his Grizzwald agian, but Grizz sighed then smiled . He was then escorted to the realease room where after the paper work was done he was set free . Afterward he returned to the shop to finish the cart.
                                             FIN
Acceptance


Last edited by The-One-Who-Is-So-Evel on Tue Jun 10, 2014 5:06 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Callilian



Posts : 1655
Join date : 2013-02-27
Age : 17
Location : Not here, that's for sure.

PostSubject: Re: Grizz   Tue Jun 10, 2014 3:17 pm

Hi there, Evel,

The only real issue I see is that you have quite a few grammatical/capitalization errors throughout your application. If you could please go through your application with a fine-toothed comb, that would be fantastic. Maybe expand a little bit in your history? Give us some of the details. How did he earn his cutie mark? Does he have any big experiences in his life leading up to this point? Does he have any friends?

Fix these things, and you'll be on the sure path to approval. Please refrain from making a new topic and edit this one by clicking the "edit" button at the top right-hoof corner of your post. Thank you!

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The-One-Who-Is-So-Evel



Posts : 64
Join date : 2014-06-10
Age : 19
Location : The Basement

PostSubject: Re: Grizz   Tue Jun 10, 2014 3:28 pm

yes ma"am
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Callilian



Posts : 1655
Join date : 2013-02-27
Age : 17
Location : Not here, that's for sure.

PostSubject: Re: Grizz   Tue Jun 10, 2014 4:50 pm

Much better.

The only thing that concerns me now is the concept of the Unicrome. The Equestrian universe is a very beginning-of-the-Industrial Age society, with the few exceptions of things such as arcade machines, but having this device exist would greatly contradict canon and its use of the dragon-unicorn scroll system. Please remove this part from your app, and you'll be perfect.

Thanks~
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Callilian



Posts : 1655
Join date : 2013-02-27
Age : 17
Location : Not here, that's for sure.

PostSubject: Re: Grizz   Tue Jun 10, 2014 7:07 pm

Changes have been made.

Your character has been Approved.

If you need any help, don't hesitate to PM myself or one of the other mods/admins. The chatbox at the bottom of the main page is great if you want a chat. We recommend starting out in the newbie area, but feel free to rp as you wish.

Have fun!
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PostSubject: Re: Grizz   Today at 12:38 pm

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