My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
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Posts : 1
Join date : 2012-01-27
Age : 23
Location : In the Illusion that is life
|Subject: Yami / Kinsei Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:05 am|| |
Kinsei (Balance)Alias ‘Yami’ (The Dark)GenderStallionSpeciesUnicornManeYami’s mane is a shade of dark black which seems to absorb any form of light surrounding him, creating an eerie shadowy veil that cloaks Yami. His mane spikes off in numerous directions, with fifteen of the spikes spiking upwards defying gravity. Hanging off each of the fifteen spikes are fifteen chains each ten centimetres long. A chain hangs of each spike with a single bell attached. The bells are bright gold with small dents that when they chime release an eerie echoing sounds similar to maniacal laugh.
His mane flows freely down the back of his neck reaching half way down his body length. A few stray spikes frame his face shadowing his eyes. The tips of his spikes are crimson red the same shade as his eyes with dark purple streaks running from the tips travelling through his black mane. TailYami’s tail is around a foot in length and is the same shade as his coat and hair dark black. His tail is silk straight with a few stray spikes at the ends forming five tips. Running through his tail running to each of his tips are five red streaks. His tail is silk straight with a few stray spikes at the ends of each of one of his five spiked tips. His tail is exceedingly strong capable of being used to perform tasks, Yami’s hooves or mouth are unable to. EyesYami’s eyes are a deep shade of blood red with a single black slit for an iris. His eyes have somewhat of a demonic appearance often frightening those around him. With his stray bangs shadowing his eyes they seem to glow an eerie shade of red. His eyes have an emotionless gaze to them, and when he stares it’s as if he is piercing your very soul as he gazes deep into your eyes. His eyes are capable of sending shivers through the bodies of even the bravest ponies with only a single glance.BodyYami takes the form of a large fully grown unicorn standing at a rather unique six feet eight inches in height weighing around two thousand and sixty pounds in weight. He would be described as a physically fit, highly attractive and well stocked stallion. His body is a dark shade of black with a dark red flame pattern running along his coat. His horn is one foot nine inches in length or roughly fifty-three centimetres and is a dark shade of purple. His body is three inches shorter in length as he is tall, six feet five inches from nose to tail.AppearanceYami wears a dark brown saddle on his back with four straps two on each side. Attached to each of the black straps is a rucksack containing an assortment of gear Yami has collected on his travels. The first rucksack is a deep shade of blue containing an assortment of medical creams, herbs, lotions, remedies, journals and medical guides. Each of his journals contain notes which Yami has taken of the different plants, mushrooms, fungi, herbs and many other ingredients for creating medicines that he has found across Equestria detailing pictures and uses.
The second rucksack is light brown containing basic camping and travelling gear including food, sleeping gear, cooking supplies and water. The third rucksack is a deep shade of red carrying items Yami has found, bought and received on his travels, the items within the rucksack range from rare artefacts to scrolls to books and much more. The final rucksack is a shade of dark purple containing his flasks, chemistry sets, numerous poisons, ingredients for creating his poisons and the antidotes he has created.
Covering Yami’s entire body is a long black hooded cloak. The cloak has a high collar coming up to cover the lower half of his face. The cloak has a red flame design around the edges of the cloak matching his coat. The hood of the cloak comes up covering the rest of his face all but his eyes. Sitting atop the hood, Yami wears a wide brimmed straw hat with around fifteen short chains around thirty centimetres dangling from the edges. When each pieces of the chains sway and rub together they create an eerie sound that is able to send waves of fear into even the bravest of souls.Cutie Mark Yami’s mark takes the shape of the symbol ‘yin and yang’ positioned directly on the crimson flame pattern of his coat allowing the black and white shade of the ‘yin yang’ to be clearly seen. The black half of ‘yin’ overlaps the white of ‘yang’ as if consuming it.
The ‘Yin’ representing darkness, impassive, the cold, evil and the spiritual side to life, while ‘Yang’ represents the opposite of ‘yin’ the light, gentle, passionate, good and the physical side of life. The two when at equal represent a balance in life, when one is more distinguished over the other it shows the path of which the pony follows or has turned to through life changing events. Age21 (Adult)PersonalityYami is a rather socially awkward individual preferring to be alone and distancing himself as far away as possible from other ponies. Yami dislikes large crowds hating to be smothered by others closing in around him coming into his own personal space. Generally around large crowds comes excess loud noise, irritating Yami to such a degree that he will take his anger out on those around him too rid himself of any noise he finds irritating.
Yami when he’s around small creatures his other half slowly rises to the surface, as his yang side is revealed. Yami loves the creatures of the earth and tends to them, taking the time to care for those he crosses during his travels. He has come to love small creatures as they can sense just what his holds deep beneath his dark mask. Should anypony ever threaten the life of the creatures he holds dear, they will behold a horror like none ever seen before. Not only does Yami enjoy surrounding himself with nature and young creatures, Yami enjoys the company of the younger ponies, the fillies unlike the adults, the younger pony’s do not flee out of fear, they seem to be drawn in by his mysterious dark nature, as if curious about who or what he is.
Yami loves the peace and quiet enjoying strolling through the forest and the peace that comes by travelling across Equestria alone. Yami enjoys his peace and can often be found deep within the forests of Equestria sleeping beside a glistening lake, sleeping soundly to the sounds of the wildlife. However when his peace is disturbed, Yami will deal with all who disturb his peace using his magic to violently show them, just why he should never be annoyed or disturbed.
Yami is polite when he deems to be, other times he tends to ignore those he deems unworthy of speaking to. The only time he speaks to others when it is necessary. Even though he may be respectful, those which became an annoyance, he will attack verbally throwing out harsh words to abuse them, he will even go as far as using his illusions to show them their worst fears to abuse them mentally.
Yami is a skilled manipulator capable of crushing anyone he comes across merely with illusions. He will not hesitate to throw anyone into an illusion to achieve his goal.
Those who are able to get to know Yami will find his harsh attitude is just how he is. Those that get to know Yami will come to see the kind stallion beneath the cold hardened exterior to see the delicate, polite, kind and gentle interior, which has been hidden deep within Yami’s heart shrouded by his hate, anger and self loathing. Deep within his sealed heart, subconsciously Yami seeks out acceptance to feel loved not to be hated or feared, however Yami hides behind his barrier of hate and anger, fearing that he has forgotten how to open up, he fears rejection more than anything.Likes
- Peace and quiet
- Sun sets and when the sun rises
- The moon
- Star gazing
- Walking through nature
- Being alone
- Night time
- Cloud Gazing
- Excess noise and anything associated with loud noises
- Intellectually challenged ponies
- Ponies that leap before they think
- Excess music
- Insulting his Magic
- Those who think they can purchase anything with money
- The Rich
- Pony's who give up before they have tried
- Forest Fires
- Those who harm children
- Being annoyed, disturbed or irritated
- Being called a freak, a demon, unnatural ect
Fears Fears that if he opens his heart up to accept the world he will be disappointed by the reactions of the Pony’s around him.DreamsTo be revered and feared as a master of magic. However deep down within his heart subconsciously seeks praise and love to simply be wanted and not feared or hated.History
- Star gazing
- Watching the moon
- Watching the sun set and rise
- Learning new spells
- Creating his own spells
- Discovering new herbs, plants and poisons
- Creating herbal remedies and creams
- Creating antidotes and poisons
- Healing small creatures
- Spending time with young fillies
- Using his illusions to tell stories to the young ponies
- read at own risk:
Last edited by Yami on Mon Jan 30, 2012 10:57 pm; edited 2 times in total
Posts : 2470
Join date : 2011-11-21
|Subject: Re: Yami / Kinsei Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:42 am|| |
This is long. I cannot approve this. There are several things to discuss but its late and there is a lot to cover. One of the things needed though is a shorter version. This is a character sheet, not a biography. I will address this in further detail when my mind is not so tired.
Posts : 1012
Join date : 2011-11-21
Age : 24
Location : Ponyville/Manehattan/Grand Carnival of Equestria
|Subject: Re: Yami / Kinsei Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:59 am|| |
While there's nothing WRONG with a Full App, It's always fun to start small, and Reveal a bit here, reveal a bit there, sometimes, when you play a character, it changes slightly, like Take Kore's Character: when Shala started out, she wasn't as crazy as she is.
Now Look at Shala.
Point is, Part of the fun of Role-playing is expanding on your character. Learn things about your character at the same time others do. "Keep your hand close to your breast," as they say.
Posts : 346
Join date : 2011-11-22
Age : 27
Location : Manehatten Slum
|Subject: Re: Yami / Kinsei Mon Jan 30, 2012 8:45 pm|| |
It took me a very long time to read this. Not because I am a slow reader but because there is so much fluff in it that it makes it hard to read. I am not saying you are a bad writer, but for me role playing is a lot like poetry. That is how I approach it and that is how I read it.
But the way you go about it is like Tolkin. Its very long drawn out and you use a lot of words that describe the same thing. This is fine in a novel sense, the repetition helps bring home the point and remind the readers. without getting dull. But in an RP sense it is illogical. We are here to write stories together. Not write each others novels.
That said there was a few minor things I caught on in your post. I do not think I really approve of the flame marks along his sides. But that is however from a design standpoint.
I can not accept that he is over six feet tall. The mares in the snow are only 4 feet tall. Celestia is not even 6 feet tall. This is using the 9 foot candy cane as a refraction point from the hearth warming eve episode.
Also I would like to remind you that we do not allow godmodeing here. The way you described his Illusion abilities came off as as very godmodey.
Posts : 2470
Join date : 2011-11-21
|Subject: Re: Yami / Kinsei Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:00 pm|| |
Also to add, being born with a cutie mark is overstepping a few bounds. And the slitted eyes is rather far out of the ordinary. A little too much. I understand trying to be more unique from other ponies, but those differences are a bit extreme.
I think this whole sheet should be condensed too. Not just for reading sake, but as Mriia said, we are exchanging posts like poetry.
Posts : 996
Join date : 2011-11-21
Age : 24
Location : Ponyville
|Subject: Re: Yami / Kinsei Mon Jan 30, 2012 11:53 pm|| |
Let's see here... your character is the most pristine example of Mary Sue I've ever seen. Your sheet is about 60% fluff, 5% substance, and 35% I-have-no-idea-what's-going-on.
Let me start out with the mane. There are black trees in place where hair should be. Trees that are able to absorb light like a black hole.. How does a pony get that kind of hair? Does he use diamond encrusted tar to keep it so rigid? And who can be bothered to attach chains at the end of every spike? All the rattling of chains and dinging of bells would drive anypony insane.
Now onto the eyes. You've given your pony supernatural powers beyond the normal realms of magic. You can mindrape anypony you look at, whether they allow themselves to be or not. And as I read further he doesn't like to be judged based on appearance when he has red glowing cat eyes that cause ponies' minds to implode on themselves. And as I remember reading further in he lived off of the land in his past. How can anypony live off the land with a thousand clanging pieces of metal advertising to every predator that a pony is nearby? And how exactly do all of those chains not cause him to go completely insane? It'd certainly cause every pony within a mile radius to turn into insane caricatures of themselves.
Now for the body... nopony is taller than Princess Celestia. She is the ruler because she is taller than anypony else. And your pony is also ripped and fit and attractive, an Adonis among ponies with fire alongside his body. Let's not forget you used metric alongside Imperial measurements. I mean come on, what's up with that?
And the appearance, I'm not going to bother to read all of that. Some rucksacks and a cloak, maybe other stuff, I don't know. It certainly doesn't need three paragraphs to write out. And the cutie mark... You wrote out what the yin-yang symbol is. That thing is pretty common knowledge. And no way in hell can a pony be born with a cutie mark. That goes against everything in the show.
Again, the chain issue. How can anypony find peace with the racket of several chains and bells ringing for every little movement? And yeah, every selfish bastard has some kind of inner beauty. That cliche has been beaten so many times it won't even come back to life as a zombie anymore. He just sounds like a giant otherworldly prick.
I think I've said enough. I don't need to go in and read all of the history. From what I gather your pony's shit doesn't stink and is perfect in every way except for social awkwardness, shocker. Everypony wants to be a Fluttershy.
Posts : 99
Join date : 2012-01-25
Age : 21
Location : Anywhere but where you THINK I'll be.
|Subject: Re: Yami / Kinsei Tue Jan 31, 2012 5:37 am|| |
*raises hoof shyly* I... I thought it was interesting... It.. It made me feeel like I had stepped into Mr. Tolkin's world.. But.. I have to agree with the others.. It's kind of... Far-fetched.. Uhmm.. M-Maybe I shouldn't say words..
|Subject: Re: Yami / Kinsei || |