My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
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My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP

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 Sunset Melody

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SunsetMelody



Posts : 5
Join date : 2014-05-11

PostSubject: Sunset Melody   Sun May 11, 2014 11:46 pm

Sunset Melody

  Gender: Female
  Species: Unicorn
  Mane: Her mane is short and wavy, covering one side of her face. It is orange and yellow bi-colored as well.
  Tail: Much like her mane, Sunset's tail is both orange and yellow. Her tail is long, however.
  Eyes: Her eyes are a deep, sapphire blue.
  Body: Her coat a light shade of yellow, that seems to be a cream color in more subtle lighting.
  Cutie Mark: A bright sun (pretty much hollowed out) with an orange music note within its center.
  Age (Baby,adult): Adult; (about the age of someone who would be fresh out of high school and new in college. So about 18-21)

  Personality:   Sunset is a determined, adventurous, out-going, optimistic, wise, and loving pony. She's polite and dedicated to her studies and music, always seeking the right path to take. She's loyal and hardworking. Sunset will be harsh and stern when she was to be, and tends to show she's boss when respect isn't where it should be placed.

  Likes: Music, Adventure, Camping, concerts, rodeos, sweets, traveling, writing, stories, reading, eating, acting.

  Dislikes: Rude ponies, making mistakes, the Everfree forest, tiring work, bullies, waking up late, sore throats, sickness, thunder and ligtning.

  History: Sunset Melody was born and raised in Canterlot. She was an only child. Her father had been a member of the Royal Guard, so she rarely saw him. Her mother had worked as a substitute teacher for several different elementary schools after she began attending one of those elementaries. Wanting to make something out of herself, Sunset Melody always focused on studying magic and music at the same time. She has an angelic voice, and now sings in various places for various gigs while attending schooling in Canterlot. Her talent in singing has gained her the music note part of her cutie mark, as her sunset-like appearance gave her the sun. Her personality and smile also seems to shine bright like the sun. Sunset Melody had an amazing talent of singing since she could speak. The female can match a pitch just by hearing it. Her voice only grows stronger and stronger as well. When Sunset was attending a school concert, a female vocalist hadn't shown right as her cue to go on was up. Fearing embarrassment for the filly and the concert, Sunset Melody had taken her place and sang the filly's song of choice. The crowd cheered and chided, and on that day Sunset Melody earned her cutie mark.

  Example RP segment: Sunset Melody had trotted down Horseshoe Avenue in Manehattan with a wide grin spreading across her face. She was so elated to be preforming for the community that nothing could ruin her mood! Well, nothing except the next scene about to unfold before her eyes! As she continued along those cement streets, a surprising scene played out before her. Stopping herself, Sunset Melody's sapphire gaze fell upon an older colt bullying a filly. The small filly was crying, yet the colt was not stopping. Apparently he had noticed Sunset's presence, because he snapped his head around and yelped at her with anger. Shocked by it all, the yellow-hued mare stood her ground, and narrowed her eyes. "Sir, what is your reasoning for harming this filly? She's smaller than you, and such a treatment is unfair," Sunset calmly stated to him, then strode over to stand between the two ponies. The ebony colt seemed infuriated, and Sunset knew she had to act quickly. As he began to rear up, the female wrapped a hoof over the younger filly, and preformed a basic teleportation spell. It took the two to the end of the corner, as she sent the filly on her way into a store to get help with her wounds. It didn't take long for him to notice where the two ended up at. Charging toward them, Sunset had sidestepped and began to speak. "If you don't stop harassing others, I'll have no choice but to inform the police! Look at each bystander that's been attracted by your behavior!" she called out, stopping the colt dead in his tracks. He realized how much attention he's attracted, and gave a little neigh of embarrassment. Sighing, she turned to follow the filly into the store.

  [Acceptance]


Last edited by SunsetMelody on Mon May 12, 2014 8:28 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Doodle Bug



Posts : 1397
Join date : 2012-11-06

PostSubject: Re: Sunset Melody   Mon May 12, 2014 3:29 am

Before we start, WELCOME TO THE FORUM!! :D I'm your friendly neighborhood moderator!! ^.^ and we hope you'll join our chat box at the bottom of the main page to get to know you better! Can you resize your pic a little? ^.^' We have an image inserter that'll resize it for ya if you'd like! (Just click the box with the smaller box coming off of it!)


SunsetMelody wrote:

A) Personality:   Sunset is a determined, adventurous, out-going, optimistic, wise, and loving pony. She's polite and dedicated to her studies and music, always seeking the right path to take. She's loyal and hardworking. Sunset will be harsh and stern when she was to be, and tends to show she's boss when respect isn't where it should be placed.

B) History: Well, Sunset Melody was born and raised in Canterlot. She was an only child. Her father had been a member of the Royal Guard, so she rarely saw him. Wanting to make something out of herself, Sunset Melody always focused on studying magic and music at the same time. She has an angelic voice, and now sings in various places for various gigs while attending schooling in Canterlot. Her talent in singing has gained her the music note part of her cutie mark, as her sunset-like appearance gave her the sun. Her personality and smile also seems to shine bright like the sun.

C) Example RP segment: Sunset Melody had trotted down Horseshoe Avenue in Manehattan with a wide grin spreading across her face. She was elated to be performing for the community that night. Nothing could ruin this mare's mood. Nothing except..this. As she continued along those cement streets, a surprising scene had caught her eye. Stopping herself, Sunset Melody's sapphire gaze fell upon an older colt bullying a filly. The small female was crying, yet the male was not stopping. Apparently the colt had noticed Sunset's presence, because he snapped his head around and yelped at her with anger. Shocked by it all, the female stood her ground, and narrowed her eyes. "Sir, what is your reasoning for harming this filly? She's smaller than you, and such a treatment is unfair," Sunset calmly commented to the male, then striding over to stand between the two ponies, given just enough room to. The male seemed infuriated, and Sunset knew she had to act quickly. As he began to rear up, the female wrapped a hoof over the younger filly, and performed a basic teleportation spell. It took the two to the end of the corner, as she sent the filly on her way into a store to get help with her wounds. It didn't take long for the male to notice where the two ended up at. Charging toward them, Sunset had sidestepped and began to speak. "If you don't stop harassing others, I'll have no choice but to inform the police! Look at each bystander that's been attracted by your behavior!" she called out, stopping the colt dead in his tracks. He realized how much attention he's attracted, and gave a little neigh of embarrassment. Sighing, she turned to follow the filly into the store.

~Remember, these are just suggestions! However, I do highly recommend going over the grammar a bit! The things in Bold are mandatory though!
Thank you!~

Starting with A) "She's polite and dedicated to her studies and music, always seeking the right path to take." Take out the first 'and', two ands should not be in the same sentence unless the pony's name is And. Also, add in her personality what she'd do when faced with her likes and dislikes!

B) I've noticed you mentioned her father but never mentioned her mother, so did something happen to her? If so, could you please explain her impact on Sunset's life? Your sentences are really choppy as well and doesn't flow quite right, so I recommend fleshing them out a bit. I'd also recommend taking out the Well since it is only meant to be a place holder. Can you please explain how she got her cutie mark? You said she preforms in various gigs and what it looks like/means, but how did she get it exactly?

C) The first had can be taken out. "She was elated to be performing for the community that night. Nothing could ruin this mare's mood." This part could be one sentence so it flows nicely. Something like: "She was so elated to be preforming for the community that nothing could ruin her mood!" This next part is where the Well could fit in nicely: "Well, nothing except the next scene about to unfold before her eyes! As she continued along those cement streets, a surprising scene played out before her." (If you're using the word 'scene' then that has to do with movies and plays. If so, please continue with this vocabulary!) "Shocked by it all, the female stood her ground, and narrowed her eyes." This section is almost impossible to tell who you are talking about (since Sunset and the filly are both females) until you get to the next sentence. "Sunset calmly commented to the male, then striding..." Striding should be strode since you have a past tense with 'commented'. "...to stand between the two ponies, given just enough room to." This sentence seems unfinished a bit. Try something like: "Sunset calmly stated to the colt and jumped in between the two ponies!" Instead of saying female/male all the time, can you mention she/he/her/him/or her/his name? ^.^
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SunsetMelody



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PostSubject: Re: Sunset Melody   Mon May 12, 2014 8:20 pm

There we are c: ..I hope I've met the expectations.
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Doodle Bug



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PostSubject: Re: Sunset Melody   Mon May 12, 2014 8:33 pm

Awesome! But you still need to resize the pic a bit, if you want, I can do it for you! Other than that, IT IS APPROVED
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PostSubject: Re: Sunset Melody   Today at 12:41 pm

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