My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
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My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP

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 OC submission: Electra

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Mammarmiar



Posts : 1
Join date : 2014-03-18

PostSubject: OC submission: Electra   Tue Mar 18, 2014 4:20 pm

ELECTRA

Gender: Female
Species: Unicorn
Mane: Bright red
Tail: Bright red
Eyes: A bit of a mix of bright red and orange
Body: Yellow
Cutie Mark: None
Age (Baby,adult): Filly
Personality: aggressive and short-tempered. cold and calculating, doesn't let anypony mess with her.
Likes: Laughing at people whom she finds unintelligent, her best friend Ice Blossom and her kind-of-friend Slowpoke.
Dislikes: people, dogs, cats, etc
History: Born in Ponyville, is having a normal, decent childhood. There's nothing much to say, really.

Example RP segment: (2) "Yeah.. Uh.. Alright." Electra said, looking down at the small colt. "Listen, I don't like you, I've never liked you, and I will never like you. Now please, leave me alone." She stated with a cold look in her eyes. She turned around to finish her bussiness as soon as the colt had turned his back and walked away in shame.
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Callilian



Posts : 1655
Join date : 2013-02-27
Age : 17
Location : Not here, that's for sure.

PostSubject: Re: OC submission: Electra   Tue Mar 18, 2014 6:43 pm

Hi there! Welcome to the site!

I would first like to point out that both your history and personality are a bit short. We'd usually like the  personality to be a paragraph long (3-6 full, detailed sentences), and the history to be at least two paragraphs long. I know it sounds like a daunting task for a filly, but, as an example of an approved filly with a great history, you can check out this app:http://mlp-fim-oc-rp.forumotion.net/t1539-new-oc-sandy-hooves.

Your RP segment is also a little short. We permit posts of that length on the forum, but for the example rp, we'd like a little more insight into your character so that we might get to know more about her. What is she thinking right here? How might her respond to the colt's sadness? Please elaborate a little.

You're also missing an important word at the bottom of your application. Please re-read the rules and add the word!

To edit a post, click the "edit" button in the upper right hoof corner of your topic. If you have any questions or are just looking for a mostly-lighthearted chat, pop into the chatbox at the bottom of the main page, or click the "chat" button at the bottom right hoof side of the screen. We don't bite, I promise! If there are no moderators or administrators in the chat, you can PM me or add another post here.

Make these changes, and you're on your way to approval!

Happy posting!
~Calla Lils
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View user profile http://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestinaCaden/works
 
OC submission: Electra
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