My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
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My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP

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 JazzComet

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JazzComet



Posts : 1
Join date : 2014-03-04

PostSubject: JazzComet   Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:28 am

JazzComet

Gender: Male
Species: Unicorn
Mane: Dark Blue with Teal, somewhat well kept
Tail: Dark Blue with Teal, somewhat well kept
Eyes: Teal
Body: Faded Blue
Cutie Mark: Black Music Note with stars in the background
Age (Baby,adult): Young Adult
Personality: Kind, modest, friendly, introverted, intelligent, strategic, shy, little bit of a klutz,
Likes: Music, astronomy, games (mostly strategy games), close friends, helping, learning, having plans
Dislikes: stubbornness, conflict, showboating,
History: Born and raised in Canterlot, middle class, got Cutie Mark in school performance, Played in multiple venues (either violin, piano, or singing), made some connections because of this, decide to move to Ponyville for a little quieter and homey feel and hoping to meet a new friend or two.

Example RP segment: A foal has lost its mother and is sobbing inconsolably in the street . Given your OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.

While walking over to get a hay sandwich and meet up with some friends, JazzComet saw a foal, crying on the side of the street. Through the sobs Jazz was able to hear the little foal pleading for its mom. He knew that if he helped this foal, he wouldn't be able to hangout with his friends, have lunch, and it would completely ruin his plans for the day. But Jazz knew that helping the little foal was more important than all of that, so he changed course and headed towards the teary-eyed foal. In a kind voice he asked the foal "What's wrong?"

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Doodle Bug



Posts : 1401
Join date : 2012-11-06

PostSubject: Re: JazzComet   Wed Mar 05, 2014 3:48 am

This is a good start but the rp segment just cuts off right in the middle, you need more details in the history plus it needs to be at least a paragraph or two as well as the personality. The Dislikes also need some fleshing out. Can you do at least two or three more in there? And the sentence is running on quite a bit in the history plus it is super 'cut off' or 'choppy'.
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