My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
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My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP

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 OC #1 Seymour

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The_One_And_Only_



Posts : 12
Join date : 2014-01-28
Location : Paladin Comics and Collectibles, Ponyville

PostSubject: OC #1 Seymour   Tue Jan 28, 2014 1:20 pm

The_One_And_Only_

Gender: Male
Species: Unicorn
Mane: Leon S. Kennedy-ish style, only black
Tail: Black, standard
Eyes: Indigo
Body: Marshmallow white
Cutie Mark: An opened comic book
Age (Baby,adult): adult (24)
Personality: Very noble with a strong sense of justice, protective of those he loves, intelligent, usually calm and jolly; but succumbs to panic, very, very easily startled, attention deficit, vision impaired, obsessive on collecting, condition of collectibles, and worth, very low alcohol tolerance.
Likes: Collecting vintage comics, toys and trading cards, swords, cuddling, leather jackets, cool hats, rainy days, snakes
Dislikes: lactose, angry/irritable ponies, extreme cold, heat, fraud, bullies, the closed-minded, bees, raccoons, humidity, staplers
History: At five years old, Seymour, a young unicorn colt attending princess Celestia's magic kindergarten in canterlot, was endowed from birth with a highly unstable prowess in forbidden arcane magic which wiped out a room full of his classmates during a sudden release beyond his control. Labeled as a threat to society, he was banished to the furthest reaches of the world with no one to look out for him. Taken from nature shortly after, Seymour became the subject of horrible experimentation by a yet unknown group for the next twelve years, until the princess of the sun decided that it was time for him to have a second chance during a riot at the experimentation facility.

During his re-adjustment to a normal canterlot lifestyle, Seymour was very warmly re-united with his father, Mint Condition. As well, he became another of the princess' apprentices, but in order to try to enjoy a life he was denied after the incident.

Now, six years later, no significant trace of his dark magic remain, and Seymour has been accepted as a functioning member of pony society. Embarking on a quest to Ponyville with his best friend Magnum (a brown, large sized earth pony who happens to be quite the ladies stallion) to start a comic book business/ hookah bar (Paladin Comics and Collectibles).


Example RP segment: (Refer to post below)
A foal has lost its mother and is sobbing inconsolably in the street. Given your OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.

[i]Seymour is trotting back to his shop after a friendly visit with Twilight Sparkle when he encounters a young filly crying outside of sugar cube corner.

"H-Hey now, whats wrong?!" he offers.

"M-my m-mommy is g-gone!" the foal cries. "I can't find my mommy!"

Seymour, usually not very good when dealing with children, sympathizes with the crying foal. he places a hoof around her shoulder and tries to console her.

"...There now... it's okay..." he comforts. "I'm sure she is around here somewhere."

"C-Can you help me find her, mister?" the foal snivels. "I want my mommy..."

"...Sure, I can help you find her..." he replies in a soothing tone. "What does she look like?"

"She... is grey, has a yellow mane, her eyes are weird too..." the foal sniffs.

"...I think I know who you're talking about." Seymour realizes. "Is her name Derpy?"

"...No, her name is mommy..."

"Thanks kid, that was... helpful." Seymour deadpans. "Lets get looking for her."

"...okay..."








I have read the rules, but I cannot find the word you are looking for. Also, no one seems to be replying to my emails to help. I also do not know how to put in a picture.
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Fireseeker



Posts : 1369
Join date : 2012-07-28
Location : United Kingdom

PostSubject: Re: OC #1 Seymour   Tue Jan 28, 2014 2:07 pm

Welcome to the site :)

I'm afraid this character app cannot be accepted in its current state due to a number of breaches in the rules, specifically 4, 5 and 6:

- Seymour's powerful magic and 'threat to society' label breaches rule 4.
- His personal connections with Princess Celestia breaches rule 5 (although begin a student at her school would be fine if Seymour's talent was magic-related)
- Being the subject of experimentation breaches rule 6.

In short, all of the following is not acceptable:

Quote :
"endowed from birth with a highly unstable prowess in forbidden arcane magic which wiped out a room full of his classmates during a sudden release beyond his control. Labeled as a threat to society, he was banished to the furthest reaches of the world with no one to look out for him. Taken from nature shortly after, Seymour became the subject of horrible experimentation by a yet unknown group for the next twelve years, until the princess of the sun decided that it was time for him to have a second chance during a riot at the experimentation facility."

"he became another of the princess' apprentices, but in order to try to enjoy a life he was denied after the incident."

"Now, six years later, no significant trace of his dark magic remain"

In order to fix these issues, might I suggest that Seymour is not naturally akin to dark magic, but rather in mechanical experimentation, perhaps in trying to create fantasy/sci-fi gadgets inspired from comics that he loves at a young age. He could then be considered a nuisance among his local town, so Seymour moves away. From there, he could reunite with his father years later and the rest of the app could remain unchanged.

Also, the name of the OC should go at the top of the app, not your username.

In order to include an image, you need to have the image uploaded to a website. Then copy the image's URL and paste it in the labelled box when using the Insert Image tool above.

And to aid you in find the word in the rules, may I direct you to rule 9 of the Character Creation Procedures in The Rules: http://mlp-fim-oc-rp.forumotion.net/t1169-the-rules

If you need further aid, try the chat box at the bottom of the screen, or Private Message (PM) me or another moderator/admin.

I hope I've helped :)

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The_One_And_Only_



Posts : 12
Join date : 2014-01-28
Location : Paladin Comics and Collectibles, Ponyville

PostSubject: Re: OC #1 Seymour   Tue Jan 28, 2014 3:35 pm

Endowed with a powerful magical talent among machinery and electricity, Seymour's lust for oily, metallic creativity was inspired from a young age by his favorite comic book super villains and heroes introduced to him by his father, a local comic shop merchant named Mint Condition. However, his constant need to share his inventions with the world earned him the title of Canterlot's town nuisance, due to the catastrophic failure of several of these "breakthroughs" in engineering. This eventually landed him in special education at the age of five, and into the looney bin at age 8.

Princess Celestia, however, saw a chance for innovation within the turning gears of this young mind, and took Seymour into her school for gifted unicorns at age 10. Since then, he has been taught to master the art of invention, and even the magic of electricity and physical telekinesis. On his own, The young colt became proficient in mathematics and physical science, and also began in his father's hoofsteps along the collectibles business.

Upon meeting his best friend Magnum, another earth pony comic book jockey who happens to be quite the ladies colt, Seymour said goodbye to his father and the princess to on a journey of self discovery in Ponyville, where he now owns and operates Ponyville's very first collectibles outlet, Paladin Comics and Collectibles.

(cutie mark is an eyeball with lightning bolts surrounding it)
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The_One_And_Only_



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PostSubject: Re: OC #1 Seymour   Tue Jan 28, 2014 3:36 pm

So, I can keep the part where he has previously met and has strong connections with Twilight Sparkle?
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The_One_And_Only_



Posts : 12
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Location : Paladin Comics and Collectibles, Ponyville

PostSubject: Re: OC #1 Seymour   Tue Jan 28, 2014 3:42 pm

2014-01-28
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Fireseeker



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PostSubject: Re: OC #1 Seymour   Tue Jan 28, 2014 4:01 pm

Certainly an improvement.

My apologies for missing it initially, but the part about being friends with Twilight is not acceptable. as are the strong connections with Princess Celestia herself.

Please edit your app to alter these new changes. You should be able to see an button that says 'Edit' at the top right of the thread.

_________________
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~ Smith Wesson ~

~ Aero Dynamic ~
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The_One_And_Only_



Posts : 12
Join date : 2014-01-28
Location : Paladin Comics and Collectibles, Ponyville

PostSubject: OC#01 Take 3: Seymour   Tue Jan 28, 2014 9:35 pm

The_One_And_Only_
http://generalzoi.deviantart.com/art/Pony-Creator-Full-Version-254295904
Gender: Male
Species: Unicorn
Mane: Leon S. Kennedy-ish style, only jet black (long, emo swipes to both sides parted by his horn), Somewhat of a mullet in the back.
Tail: Black, standard
Eyes: Indigo
Body: Marshmallow white, tall but lean
Cutie Mark: Eyeball surrounded by thunderbolts
Age (Baby,adult): adult (24)
Personality: Typically easygoing and calm, strong sense of justice, protects those he loves, modest, helpful, friendly and dependable; somewhat eccentric, obsessive, very, very easily startled.
Likes: Tinkering, comics, collectibles, business, physics, electricity, smooth jazz, horror films, swords, his ball python named "Mr Snuggums (female snake)", nerdy unicorn mares, cuddling.
Dislikes: Lactose, bees, dogs, ponies who are generally angry or irritable, the concept of female rejection, axes and spears, damaged collectibles, collectibles getting damaged, the closed minded, staplers.
History:
Endowed with a powerful magical talent among machinery and electricity, Seymour's lust for oily, metallic creativity was inspired from a young age by his favorite comic book super villains and heroes introduced to him by his father, a local comic shop merchant named Mint Condition. However, his constant need to share his inventions with the world earned him the title of Canterlot's town nuisance, due to the catastrophic failure of several of these "breakthroughs" in engineering. This eventually landed him in special education at the age of five, and into the looney bin at age 8.

Princess Celestia, however, saw a chance for innovation within the turning gears of this young mind, and took Seymour into her school for gifted unicorns at age 10. Since then, he has been taught to master the art of invention, and even the magic of electricity and physical telekinesis. On his own, The young colt became proficient in mathematics and physical science, and also began in his father's hoofsteps along the collectibles business.

Upon meeting his best friend Magnum, another earth pony comic book jockey who happens to be quite the ladies colt, Seymour said goodbye to his father and the princess to on a journey of self discovery in Ponyville, where he now owns and operates Ponyville's very first collectibles outlet, Paladin Comics and Collectibles.

Example RP segment: (Refer to post below)
A foal has lost its mother and is sobbing inconsolably in the street. Given your OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.

Seymour is trotting back to his shop after a visit to Sugarcube Corner when he encounters a young filly crying outside of sugar cube corner.

"H-Hey now, whats wrong?!" he offers.

"M-my m-mommy is g-gone!" the foal cries. "I can't find my mommy!"

Seymour, usually not very good when dealing with children, sympathizes with the crying foal. he places a hoof around her shoulder and tries to console her.

"...There now... it's okay..." he comforts. "I'm sure she is around here somewhere."

"C-Can you help me find her, mister?" the foal snivels. "I want my mommy..."

"...Sure, I can help you find her..." he replies in a soothing tone. "What does she look like?"

"She... is grey, has a yellow mane, her eyes are weird too..." the foal sniffs.

"...I think I know who you're talking about." Seymour realizes. "Is her name Derpy?"

"...No, her name is mommy..."

"Thanks kid, that was... helpful." Seymour deadpans. "Lets get looking for her."

"...okay..."



"Acceptance"


Last edited by The_One_And_Only_ on Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:07 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : removal of mane six character)
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Fireseeker



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PostSubject: Re: OC #1 Seymour   Wed Jan 29, 2014 3:20 pm

Again, it's an improvement. Close to approval now.

You still need to remove the parts about personally knowing Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle.

Also, your image link is just a link to the pony creator game. Do you have the pony code of your OC from the game? If so, you should post that.

_________________
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~ Smith Wesson ~

~ Aero Dynamic ~
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The_One_And_Only_



Posts : 12
Join date : 2014-01-28
Location : Paladin Comics and Collectibles, Ponyville

PostSubject: Re: OC #1 Seymour   Wed Jan 29, 2014 3:47 pm

I do not. Is a photo really necessary? Also, The princess only put him in her school. She did not directly teach him like she did twilight, who is not in this description.

Thank you.
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The_One_And_Only_



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PostSubject: Re: OC #1 Seymour   Wed Jan 29, 2014 3:53 pm

Never mind that link.
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The_One_And_Only_



Posts : 12
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PostSubject: Re: OC #1 Seymour   Wed Jan 29, 2014 3:55 pm

But I cant just copy and paste a picture?
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Fireseeker



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PostSubject: Re: OC #1 Seymour   Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:02 pm

Twilight is still mentioned in the RP segment, and the history implies Seymour knows the Princess with "Seymour said goodbye to his father and the princess"

The image is not necessary so long as you provide very detailed descriptions of your OC's mane, tail, eyes and body, aka. colour, length, style.

_________________
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~ Aero Dynamic ~
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The_One_And_Only_



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PostSubject: Re: OC #1 Seymour   Sun Feb 02, 2014 10:38 pm

I have sent a final revised copy of my Oc. Note:Celestia did not directly teach him.
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Fireseeker



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PostSubject: Re: OC #1 Seymour   Mon Feb 03, 2014 7:57 am

Changes have been made. Everything is acceptable :)

Your character has been approved.

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PostSubject: Re: OC #1 Seymour   Today at 9:44 am

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