My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
Welcome to the forum! Here we aim to have fun role playing your own OC ponies and chat with your fellow bronies. Please say hi to us in the forum chatroom at the bottom of the home page and look at the rules to help get you started.

My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP

Welcome to Equestria everypony! Come and Roleplay with your MLP OC in Ponyville and many other places!
 
HomeCalendarFAQSearchMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 simple breeaze (chrystal pony)

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Happy Trails



Posts : 81
Join date : 2013-04-04
Age : 25

PostSubject: simple breeaze (chrystal pony)   Wed Dec 04, 2013 3:39 am

Simple Breeze


https://servimg.com/image_preview.php?i=17&u=18464440][/url]

Gender:male

species: Chrystal pony

Mane:cobalt

Tail:cobalt

Eyes: light blue

Body: purple and when shiny bits of cobalt can be seen

Cutie Mark: a leaf in the breeze (Put a picture of your cutie mark here)

Age:22

Personality: sweet and caring, simple likes to just do whatever comes to mind and doesn't have issues doing whatever any pony else wants to do when he goes out. He can also be easily distracted by anything, especially new and shiny things and such.

Likes: parks, swimming, sweets, reading, LOVES music, and meeting new ponies/

Dislikes: liars, rude ponies, steamed green beans, and head aches.

History: Simple breeze had always been laid back, but when the Chrystal empire came back its was different for a time. He would see the same building...the same ponies...the same dull boring things..
He was the only one of his family who stayed in the Chrystal empire, his plants couldn't take care of themselves you know. As a colt he was a funny little one, he always could be seen either out talking up a storm and going around the empire finding some way to bring himself out of the house, or he was alone laying in the park or garden. It seemed like he could lay there for hours looking through the trees above him as they swayed in the wind, he always did love how the wind carries the leaves off the trees. as time grew on he started finding he actually enjoyed planting things, leaving them in the open so the breeze would hit them as he would water them and nurture them.
as time progressed his family moved on, feeling that the empire was becoming to familiar after a time. By his age now he finally saw why as the last of his plants wilted away...
finally after a time he sold his house and started to venture out, hearing of a place called ponyville where he decided after much debate to move to. It has been a few years now and breeze has grown into a fine young stallion, his home flourishing with trees and plants in his front and back yard where he now grows and sells to the local florist's and he finally started to think, just maybe he made a good choice after all.




Example rp segment: It was a mid summer day as breeze tended to the rows of dandelions he was growing for the  nearby café when it happened. It had been two weeks straight of the odd little gifts of gardening tools and plant foods left strangely at his door, seemingly no name or reason attached to them supposedly from some secret admirer some of the ponies that bought from him would say. As he heard the door bell jingle he put down the watering pan he was using and went up to the front. "hello can I help you miss?" standing in front of him looking around rather nervously was a dark blue unicorn with a mane almost the same color as his. As she spotted him he couldn't help but notice that her face seemed a little red as she spoke quietly. "U-um no.. I-I mean yes! I um.." she stuttered out, looking down as he tilted his head. He remembered the mare from before, after helping her with her orders of oddly assorted colors of flowers ranging from almost any color he could think of she always seemed to stand outside his shop almost seeming like she was debating on something before she saw him and would run off. "yes miss? are you ok? please take your time there is no rush." he said with a smile. "y-you see I...I've been leaving those.." she looked down blushing hard before finally managing to squeak out what she was meaning to say. "w-would you like to go out sometime?.." she looked like she was about to fall over, breezes own face looking a bit shocked before regaining his composure. so this was the pony leaving all those gifts, well he couldn't rightly say no to her offer after all she just went through. smiling softly he walked past her, flipping the open sign to closed as he opened the door for her with a welcoming smile. "how about some lunch, then maybe you can tell me your name."


ACCEPTANCE


Last edited by Happy Trails on Thu Dec 05, 2013 6:29 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Happy Trails



Posts : 81
Join date : 2013-04-04
Age : 25

PostSubject: Re: simple breeaze (chrystal pony)   Wed Dec 04, 2013 5:28 pm

umm...did Iget approved or did I somehow post this in the wrong area without noticing O.o
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Fireseeker



Posts : 1347
Join date : 2012-07-28
Location : United Kingdom

PostSubject: Re: simple breeaze (chrystal pony)   Wed Dec 04, 2013 6:40 pm

This should have been posted in the Submitted Creations, not in the subcategory for approved OCs. But, never mind :)

The main issue I have with this OC is that there isn't much reason for them to be a crystal pony. If they were, for example, an earth pony who moved from his hometown, it would have the same effect. If the character is a crystal pony, it should be an integral part of them.

Also, you will need to review your grammar, like missing capital letters and spelling of the word 'crystal.' Plus you should use paragraphing to separate lines of speech and to avoid huge walls of text.

_________________
Click links for character information:

~ Smith Wesson ~

~ Aero Dynamic ~
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Happy Trails



Posts : 81
Join date : 2013-04-04
Age : 25

PostSubject: Re: simple breeaze (chrystal pony)   Thu Dec 05, 2013 6:26 pm

I thought you had to be born a crystal pony O_O and did the capitalization really matter? I mean..the point is so people can read and understand it right? I just didn't think I was making a book XD im confused I thought I did really good..I didn't want to have to make something extremely complicated and why does it matter the reason he came to be a chrystal pony I mean you don't just turn into one he was born there.. I really don't want this to have to be overly complicated I mean I did him the same way ive done all my others why does he have to be more advanced in every detail?
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Fireseeker



Posts : 1347
Join date : 2012-07-28
Location : United Kingdom

PostSubject: Re: simple breeaze (chrystal pony)   Thu Dec 05, 2013 7:00 pm

You misunderstand me. What I mean is, if a character is a non-standard race, there must be a reason for it. It should play an integral part to their personalty and their lives.

If Simple Breeze is a crystal pony, might I suggest you alter the reason he moves from the Crystal Empire, so that instead of him "feeling that the empire was becoming to familiar after a time," he felt troubled about the past events involving King Sombra and decided he wanted to move away.

Also, please make alterations to correct at least some of the mistakes, particularly the misspelling of 'crystal'. A non-standard OC should be more advanced in every detail because they are required to be more in-depth and well-thought out than an average OC.

_________________
Click links for character information:

~ Smith Wesson ~

~ Aero Dynamic ~
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Happy Trails



Posts : 81
Join date : 2013-04-04
Age : 25

PostSubject: Re: simple breeaze (chrystal pony)   Fri Dec 06, 2013 12:23 am

I was told I can't have him because I don't post enough so nevermind.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: simple breeaze (chrystal pony)   Today at 3:02 am

Back to top Go down
 
simple breeaze (chrystal pony)
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Tropes to Describe a pony
» New Pony in Town
» Pony Dwarf Fortress
» 4Chan Pony
» The Pony Games

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP :: Creations :: Submitted Creations :: Nonstandard Races-
Jump to: