Taking the week to be alone

I told myself I wouldn't post this, but here I am. may as well get this over with. I'm taking the week off to be alone.

Recently, I've been feeling emotionally meh. So, since my professor is going out of town this week thus cancelling classes, I'm taking this opportunity to be alone. meaning, starting monday, my steam will be off, and probably my skype as well.

As an explanation, I will say this.

I hate feeling like the boss with a passion. I really do. I despise feeling like I'm in charge of you guys. I want to be your friend. referring back a post in this subforum a couple weeks (probably a month) back, it brought back this entire dread in me where I'm seen more as the boss instead of your friend.

I want you guys to feel like you can tell me anything with trust. I want you guys to be able to trust me. For me, hearing that people thought they'd be banned for voicing an opinion really struck a cord in me. I found it disturbing that people thought I'd be a total heartless jerk about things. I found it really disturbing that somewhere along the line, I might have lost friendships in exchange for a begrudging tolerance of hierarchy.

The word hierarchy alone is a bit disturbing to me. I dunno. at the end of it, what I'm saying is that I don't want to be your boss. I want to be your friend. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't feel like I am right now.

So... yeah. starting monday (or, in other words, tomorrow) I'm gonna take the week to be alone. you can still PM me if it's vital, just don't be surprised if I don't reply.

Oh dear Faust... I knew something like this was going to happen... I'm so sorry...

Don't worry Calla. The situation explained was mainly an example. there are multiple things coming to fruition here. it isn't any one person's fault.

Aww blindy don't worry :3 I think being admin means alot of newer ponieswill see you as an "authority figure" most likely it's because they see your red name( It is red right?)((le me is colorblind T_T) and the word admin when you post so generally that makes them think something thats similar to this: because they see you as an authority figure they will stereotype you to admins in general therefore they will think your strict and not as "fun" as other "normal" ponies, the same can be said for mods especially if they have had some bad experiences with some mods in other places.

It's really all a psychological thing really, if someone has never been on a place with mods & admins etc before then they will view everyone the same.

On a personal side note, I've never seen you or anyone else as having more or less power than anyone else.
If it helps you can relate your forum and chat powers as "responsibilities" it might make you see them more as things that you are in charge of because your trusted with & not just things you need to do because your admin.(Think i worded yhat wrong)

Another thing that might help is if people didn't know you were admin, they would view you as just a daily forumer but then i don't know if that would work.

Anyways i wub you <3 hope you come back sooner ^.^

I'm sorry Blind! I feel like I contributed to this in some way, and even if I didn't, I'm sorry you're in a bad place.

And I just wanna say Blind, you're honestly not my number one favorite person on the forum, but you're up there. I like hanging out with you. You're a really nice person. But I hope you have fun this week, and feel a lot better

Byesies Blind Buddy :3

Aww I really will miss you, though I can't say I have known you very long. But who knows? Some time for yourself might make you feel better, and I hope things do for you. I'll be praying for you, buddy.

I'm back, and ahead of schedule! I must say, that's exactly what I needed ^.^

Thank you everypony for the kind words, It really does mean a lot to me to hear people out there really do like me. Asha, don't worry. I can respect the fact that I won't be #1 for everyone, and I recognize that I can't win everyone over. Acacia, I bet you're right. And Happyhobbit, thank you for the kind words ^.^

All I can say is this: Welcome back!