My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
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My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP

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 SweetieCane

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BritishBree



Posts : 1
Join date : 2013-09-14

PostSubject: SweetieCane   Mon Sep 16, 2013 8:41 pm

SweetieCane

Gender:Mare
Species:Pegasus
Mane:A Yellowish-Orange
Tail:Same thing As Mane(her tail isn't like that its just the picture)
Eyes:A dark pink
Body:white with red stripes on her legs
Cutie Mark:A pawmark with a heart inside
Age (Baby,adult):Teenager
Personality:SweetieCane is always competing in races,because she thinks she is the best flyer,although that is not true.She is nice,at times,but can get easily mad at one thing a pony might do.Even though her looks look sweet,and gentle she is not a graceful pony.
Likes:Animals,sweets,Ponies that are smiling,and happy
Dislikes:Sad ponies,bitter things,and odd things
History:SweetieCane was raised as a small baby to love all ponies,by there personality not there looks.Even though she wants to love ponies by there looks,she cant because of her mother.SweetieCane is a smart pony,she reads books,and everything,and was made fun of as a small pony because she wore glasses,and always had her snout in a book.She got her cutiemark by saving a small miniature goat from drowning in a lake.The cutiemark showed her love animals,and the ability to care for them.

Example RP segment:SweetieCane flew around,looking for somepony to talk to.Although she didn't want to drop in on a conversation,she did anyways."Hello there!"She said with a big smile.The pony kept talking.She flew away.She heard a high pitched noise,and followed it,finding a poor pony crying."Are you okay?"she asked picking it up.The pony cried"I lost my mom"it said kicking frantically."Um stop,and ill help you find her"She said putting the pony down.She flew all over town,and once she was sitting down tired.The pony yelled."MOM!"it ran over to her.

Acceptance



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Dawn Orchard



Posts : 358
Join date : 2013-04-13
Age : 18
Location : I'm right here, silly!

PostSubject: Re: SweetieCane   Mon Sep 16, 2013 10:08 pm

The RP example is... Odd... Also, the history is short and the app has many grammar faults. Fix that and I believe a mod will approve!
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Fireseeker



Posts : 1369
Join date : 2012-07-28
Location : United Kingdom

PostSubject: Re: SweetieCane   Tue Sep 17, 2013 3:41 am

Welcome to the site BritishBree :)

Your app is looking good but needs adjusting in a few areas. Mainly, grammar and paragraphing. Don't forget spaces after every punctuation mark and to separate speech into different paragraphs.

Also, the history section is a little short. Try to add a little more detail, such as where Sweetie Cane now lives and what she currently does (job, school, etc)

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PostSubject: Re: SweetieCane   Today at 1:56 am

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