Posts : 220
Join date : 2013-06-15
Age : 19
Location : SPAAAAAAAAAACE
|Subject: Wobby Highflyer Sat Jul 20, 2013 12:22 am|| |
Last edited by Maxulus on Sun Nov 24, 2013 9:45 pm; edited 6 times in total
Posts : 1532
Join date : 2011-11-21
Location : A little pocket universe after almost destroying the old one.
|Subject: Re: Wobby Highflyer Sat Jul 20, 2013 8:55 am|| |
Elegance sighed as she read the application, rubbing her eyes.
"Great," she said, "Another good-for-nothing pegasus. Honestly, I don't know why my handler gets me read these things, it's not like he's got better things to do."
Dipping her quill into ink, the young unicorn noble started scribbling beneath the application.
A bit brief with the personality, and history is very choppy with all the short sentences. The rp segment is absolutely starved of actual description, making the reader feel like the characters are floating in some blank void.
Elegance paused, and scratched her nose. She stared before her for a second to think before writing again.
However, if I kick you out because of those reasons, I am undoubtedly going to be called an uptight noble that cares too much about these things. It is clear that there is a severe difference of standards. Your application is approved, but I would hope to see more description of both world outside and feelings inside.
_________________The maiden, the mother, and the other one.
If Paradise Blossom speaks in red, she is speaking Neighponese.I do my best now and am preparing. Please wait warmly until it is finished.