My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
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My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP

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 Alina Jossofor

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Maki Idol3a



Posts : 79
Join date : 2013-06-23
Location : <> Mad Tea Shop <>

PostSubject: Alina Jossofor   Tue Jul 02, 2013 1:07 pm

Alina Jossofor

Gender:mare

Species:pegasus

Mane:Long,black with blue neon strips

Tail:same as the mane

Eyes:brown

Body:Beige

Cutie Mark: A sewing machine with little 2 diamonds around it. (I know it's not in the picture but i changed it)
Age (Baby,adult): young adult

Personality:Alina might seem a little too serious at first,but as you meet her she becomes.. little too exciting.

Likes:ice-cream ,awards,good ponies,sweets,cloud making.

Dislikes:villians,thiefs,

History:Alina was born in Canterlot. Her mother was a fashion designer and her father was in the factory of rainbows in Cloudsdale. She learned to fly at an early age because of a incident, Her father was sick and she was the only one who could help him, flying to Manehatten  she learned to fly, and the best thing that happend there for her she got her cutie mark, she tored up her dress by an accident and she replaced it with a much better one. As she came to the Cloudsdale Hospital it was too late her father passes away...  The doctors were always comforting her for her loss. After that she became more serious and started helping out alot
in the house.Once she was bored and was shaping clouds into animals,objects,ponies and such, And after that in  Canterlot she began her own Boutique but in time she closed it because she picked up the model carrer.

Example RP segment: Alina was in the middle of a storm! She was running everywhere, Just as she saw the light of a tavern she entered seeking shelter.
"Oi!"says a drunk pony, Alina quickly responds "Oi?, are you that drunk or are you a pirate?" she asked seriously,noticing he didnt respond the barkeep came to her saying "Alina? what are you doing here? A fine model in a rusty old place?" Alina sighed as she said "Didnt you see the storm out there?!" The barkeep laughed lightly "What storm? it's already over you should go now" Alina sighs with relief being able to exit the place where everyone gets drunk, as she comes home her mother asks her "Ali! (nickname) Where have you been? I've been so worried about you!"  "Mom i was at the fashion show and wanted to exercise so i went out for a trot and... then a storm came and-" She stops, realizing that she is starting to sound boring and exclaims "You know? i dont think it's even important".

Acceptance


Last edited by Lisa3a on Thu Aug 29, 2013 4:19 pm; edited 9 times in total
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Fireseeker



Posts : 1369
Join date : 2012-07-28
Location : United Kingdom

PostSubject: Re: Alina Jossofor   Tue Jul 02, 2013 1:53 pm

If you're having problems getting the picture, you can add further details to Alina's physical descriptions instead.

The personality section is very short so try adding more to it, and try to explain the character rather than list her traits.

Also, be careful with your grammar and punctuation as there are several mistakes.

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Maki Idol3a



Posts : 79
Join date : 2013-06-23
Location : <> Mad Tea Shop <>

PostSubject: Re: Alina Jossofor   Tue Jul 02, 2013 6:40 pm

First, RainbowSherbert is in the making of my picture and im waiting for it so PATIENCE! next, i was giving my little sister a shot at it, and She isnt very creative =/ third, I still didnt master my english because i need to learn italian,french,german,russian,australian so i have problems with grammar =/
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Fireseeker



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PostSubject: Re: Alina Jossofor   Tue Jul 02, 2013 7:51 pm

That's fine. Take your time to resolve the issues, and then make a post when you've done so :)

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Maki Idol3a



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Join date : 2013-06-23
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PostSubject: Re: Alina Jossofor   Wed Jul 03, 2013 2:31 pm

And look at it again!




(i dont think it's perfect but still...)
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Fireseeker



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PostSubject: Re: Alina Jossofor   Wed Jul 03, 2013 7:32 pm

You have certainly made improvements in terms of grammar, and the image looks good.

However, you still need to add more to the personalty section. Try looking at approved OC's (such as those in my signature) for examples that could help.

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Maki Idol3a



Posts : 79
Join date : 2013-06-23
Location : <> Mad Tea Shop <>

PostSubject: Re: Alina Jossofor   Thu Jul 04, 2013 3:03 pm

Okey dokie lookey



DONE!
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Fireseeker



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PostSubject: Re: Alina Jossofor   Thu Jul 04, 2013 3:15 pm

It's a sufficient improvement.

Your character has been approved.

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PostSubject: Re: Alina Jossofor   Today at 12:00 am

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