My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
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My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP

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Maki Idol3a

Maki Idol3a

Posts : 79
Join date : 2013-06-23
Location : <> Mad Tea Shop <>

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PostSubject: Crstally Lightning Burn   Crstally Lightning Burn I_icon_minitimeSun Jun 23, 2013 6:32 pm

Crystally
Crystally
Crstally Lightning Burn Sister10
Gender:Mare
Species:Unicorn
Mane:Cyan
Tail:Pink and Cyan
Eyes:Purple
Body:Light brown
Cutie Mark:A blank flank. BLANK FLANK!
Age (Baby,adult):filly (6)
Personality:nice,lucky,good with spells,Playfull,cheerfull.
Likes:studying,playing,animals,her sister,good people,SUPERHEROES
Dislikes:mean people,arrogant people,
History:As she was born with no father she was rather lonely her sister was there for her..as their mother passed away she was very sad but her father's friend the Chief of guards in ponyville he was a good friend of their father so he took care of them when they were fillies. And always mentioned by her older sister Starla.

Example RP segment:As Crystally  was laying around in the meadow.
She heard sobs and ran toward the filly and said "dont cry, what's the problem?" "I...I lost my mommy!!!" "we will find her! i promise ok?" "ok.." They both ran to a random mare and asked her "is this your child?" "Why yes! where did you find her?" "she was in the meadow!" "thank you for finding her! how can i repay you?"
"Hmm oh i-" as the school bells rang she shouted: "Gotta go!! bye!"

Acceptance


Last edited by Lisa3a on Mon Jun 24, 2013 1:18 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Fireseeker

Fireseeker

Posts : 1471
Join date : 2012-07-28
Location : United Kingdom

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PostSubject: Re: Crstally Lightning Burn   Crstally Lightning Burn I_icon_minitimeSun Jun 23, 2013 7:26 pm

Try adding more detail to the personality and history sections, since both  are rather short.

Your RP segment is also a little bit brief, and please look over your spelling and punctuation.

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Maki Idol3a

Maki Idol3a

Posts : 79
Join date : 2013-06-23
Location : <> Mad Tea Shop <>

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PostSubject: Re: Crstally Lightning Burn   Crstally Lightning Burn I_icon_minitimeMon Jun 24, 2013 11:52 am

Sorry for my spelling my first language isn't english
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Fireseeker

Fireseeker

Posts : 1471
Join date : 2012-07-28
Location : United Kingdom

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PostSubject: Re: Crstally Lightning Burn   Crstally Lightning Burn I_icon_minitimeMon Jun 24, 2013 1:36 pm

That is fine, just take your time resolving the issues :)

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~ Smith Wesson ~

~ Aero Dynamic ~
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Maki Idol3a

Maki Idol3a

Posts : 79
Join date : 2013-06-23
Location : <> Mad Tea Shop <>

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PostSubject: Re: Crstally Lightning Burn   Crstally Lightning Burn I_icon_minitimeFri Jun 28, 2013 3:47 pm

Okey think i fixed the problems. Look at it again plz?
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Fireseeker

Fireseeker

Posts : 1471
Join date : 2012-07-28
Location : United Kingdom

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PostSubject: Re: Crstally Lightning Burn   Crstally Lightning Burn I_icon_minitimeFri Jun 28, 2013 3:49 pm

Most errors have been amended.

Your character has been approved.

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~ Smith Wesson ~

~ Aero Dynamic ~
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