My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
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My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP

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 Shinygear the unicorn

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Shinygear



Posts : 180
Join date : 2013-06-18
Location : Canada!

PostSubject: Shinygear the unicorn   Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:29 pm

Shinygear

Gender: male.

Species: unicorn.

Mane: a dark brown.

Tail: a dark brown.

Eyes: hazel.

Body: maroon with red mixed in.

Cutie Mark: a bronze gear enveloped in a gold ring

Age (Baby,adult): 24

Personality: Shinygear is kind to every pony. He has to be as a mechanical engineer that spends his days happily fixing the broken trinkets of ponies frequently coming to his shop. However, Shiny has a hard time letting go of what he has lost. He's quite Intelligent but often makes decisions before thinking. This usually leads to him stressing out over what he has done wrong because of his actions.

Likes: mechanics, caring from others, archery, spooky masks.

Dislikes: over confident ponies, losing things, cauliflower.

History: Shinygear was a smart and happy young colt all throughout his child and teen years. He lived in Hoofington until he moved to Ponyville for college. It wasn't until his adult years that he was dumped TWICE. This shattered Shinygear's self-esteem completely. He still would still help ponies with mechanical issues, but would often go quiet when working with mares. He would also wear a spooky wooden mask around town, and tired out easier. After being dumped, his little sister, a blind colt and a ghost photographer were his only friends, which he appreciated. Shinygear even found archery as a new hobby, taking up a lot of his time and giving him great joy. Still, Shiny will hide whenever he spots some pony that he used to know.

Example RP segment: Shiny watched as the young colt pushed the little filly to the ground. The bully turned and looked at him with eyes full of rage. "what are you looking at?!" he shouted. "Well, if I were you I would find something more productive than feeding on the fear of weaker ponies." Shiny replied calmly. "You know nothing of productivity, old dude!" the colt shouted back, throwing a punch towards him. "You know, what you are doing is just as bad as leading an army. You're telling yourself to attack anypony looking at you funny and trampling anyone smaller than you." Shiny replied to the insult, still keeping calm with the disrespectful little colt. "Y-you know nothing! I'm leaving, you jerk! Trying to fight an old guy is useless to me anyways..." the young bully stomps off angrily. "Are you OK, young one?" Shiny asked, smiling down at the hurt innocent filly.

Acceptance!


Last edited by Shinygear on Wed Jun 19, 2013 9:56 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Fireseeker



Posts : 1364
Join date : 2012-07-28
Location : United Kingdom

PostSubject: Re: Shinygear the unicorn   Wed Jun 19, 2013 3:57 pm

Not the worry, this is in the correct section. Only when an app is approved does it go into its specific forum.

Anyway, there's a few things you need to improve on, mainly adding more detail. Try to add more to the personality, likes, dislikes and the history. 

Also, is the bow and quiver in the image relevant to your OC? Or should those be ignored?
Furthermore, I'd like to point out that if so, ponies don't tend to walk on their hind legs, although simply standing on them to shoot a bow is fine.

Another thing that caught my eye is the "ghost photographer." I assume that means a pony who attempts to photograph ghosts, not a ghost that takes photographs, correct?

Lastly, please try to amend some of the grammatical issues (punctuation, spacing, paragraphing), especially in the RP segment.

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Shinygear



Posts : 180
Join date : 2013-06-18
Location : Canada!

PostSubject: Re: Shinygear the unicorn   Wed Jun 19, 2013 9:22 pm

1. Yes, the bow is relevant. After being dumped, he took up archery as a hobby. I should definitely add that.
2. Yep, she is out to take pictures of ghosts.
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Shinygear



Posts : 180
Join date : 2013-06-18
Location : Canada!

PostSubject: Re: Shinygear the unicorn   Wed Jun 19, 2013 9:57 pm

I've fixed it up a bit with grammar issues and I mentioned the archery. :)
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Fireseeker



Posts : 1364
Join date : 2012-07-28
Location : United Kingdom

PostSubject: Re: Shinygear the unicorn   Thu Jun 20, 2013 6:25 pm

Ok then. Changes have been made.

Your character has been approved.

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PostSubject: Re: Shinygear the unicorn   Today at 11:01 pm

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