Posts : 220
Join date : 2013-06-15
Age : 19
Location : SPAAAAAAAAAACE
|Subject: Gaffey Patch Sat Jun 15, 2013 10:18 pm|| |
Mane: Dark gray spiked
Tail: Dark gray, spiked
Eyes: Pitch black
Body: Tall and slender, light gray
Cutie Mark: Jester's mask with ribbon through it
Age (Baby,adult): Young Adult
Personality: Gaffey is random which is good most of the time. Then the day the accident happened, his humor started to turn grim and dark. He started joking about flames and death. He can control it now, but whenever fire is mentioned, he breaks.
Likes: Laughing with friends and family.
Dislikes: Any word related to fire.
History: Gaffey was not a normal filly when he was growing up. His eyes started to turn pitch black and he always wore a top hat,red ribbon, and bow tie to school. He would get bullied and pushed around, but that never let his spirit down. He still laughed and played. When he earned his cutie mark, he was visiting an elder's home to see his granddad. When he got there, he saw how dull and boring it was so he thought he should put on a little show. So when it was time for lunch, he told his parents what he was going to do. At first, they were not sure. Then they thought "why not" and let him perform. So he got up on the table and started doing a silly dance. He got two cookies and started juggling them. Then he threw them in the air and jumped up and ate them. Right at that moment, he got his cutie mark. Surprised, he forgot he was in mid air and fell face first back on the table. The elders started cracking up.
Then the accident happened. He was at home alone. It was his father's birthday and his mom was out getting something for him. His dad was hanging out with old friends. Gaffey decided to make a cake. He made a home made cake and put it in the oven. He forgot that he left his mixing spoon in the cake. The cake started to overcook. Gaffey smelled it and saw smoke. He ran to get it out. Right as he was at the stove, it exploded. He flew back from the force of the blast and rammed straight into a wall. In a daze, he didn't notice the kitchen beam was on fire and falling straight for him. Finally at the last second, he saw it and moved out of the way. But not in time! The beam landed on his legs crushing them. The flames slowly enveloped and started burning them. Gaffey screamed in pain and passed out. His dad later returned to find the house in ashes and Gaffey laying on the ground, not breathing. He rushed Gaffey to the hospital and he just barely survived with his life. His legs were scarred and burned so he begged for them to wrap them up and they did. He stayed the same way he was but now he feared fire and any word related to it.
Example RP segment:
Gaffey was walking down the street when he stumbled across a foal crying on the corner. He ran to the foal as fast as he could.
"Whats wrong little one?" Gaffey asked a kind expression on his face.
"M-m-my mommy sh-sh-she's not moving"
Gaffey looks over to an ally way were he heard a sound and saw a still body lying on the ground. Then he saw a mare running away. He walked over and checked to see if she is breathing. He slowly walked over to the foal and said
"Your mommy is not with us anymore. She is in a better place now."
The foal started sobbing even more.
"There, there, everything is okay. Do you have a father?"
Seeing that the foal was not answering, he guessed not.
"Come on, let us get out of the dark and into a nice comfy home. That would be nice, right?"
The foal nodded his head.
Gaffy said "my mother would be happy to have me bring a guest home. Lets get going."
He smiled a kind smile and gave the foal a random cookie that he took out of a makeshift pocket on his ribbon. They both continued down the road side by side. The End
[Place the correct specified word indicating that you have read the rules here]
Last edited by Gaffey on Sun Jul 21, 2013 11:39 pm; edited 8 times in total (Reason for editing : Wrong grammar (please tell me what is wrong if i still don't have it right sorry for bad grammar))
Posts : 152
Join date : 2013-01-08
Age : 23
Location : United States
|Subject: Re: Gaffey Patch Sun Jun 16, 2013 2:57 pm|| |
Your application looks good! However, the grammar in your personality and history sections needs to be improved before I can approve you. All you need to do is add punctuation (you're missing many commas, and run on sentences galore :3). We like members' posts to be grammatically acceptable, and their OC applications are an indicator of this.
Besides that, it looks great ^.^ If you have any questions, feel free to pop by the chat box at the bottom of the home page.
Posts : 1472
Join date : 2012-07-28
Location : United Kingdom
|Subject: Re: Gaffey Patch Mon Jun 17, 2013 4:43 pm|| |
Changes made; grammar improved. Please keep an eye on it in future.
Your character has been approved.
And reading about his fear of fire, let's hope he never meets my OC Fireseeker or else there might be problems :D
|Subject: Re: Gaffey Patch || |