My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP
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My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic OC RP

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 flame worrior

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WariorOfFire



Posts : 3
Join date : 2013-05-25

PostSubject: flame worrior   Sat May 25, 2013 2:58 pm

flame worrior

Gender:male
Species:unicorn
Mane:a dark blue mohawk with lite blue streks
Tail:messy  with dark blue and lite blue in middle of dark blue
Eyes:black with a little dark blue
Body:buff and dark blue
Cutie Mark:a blue flame he earned his mark by saveing a unicorn fole from a burning house
Age (Baby,adult):adult
Personality:depressed and sometimes outgoing. He likes novels
He's very creative when he is alone and very quite
Likes:fire, color blue, apples, romance
Dislikes:not being socal, playing games
History:ponyville was his home town he still lives there he moved to a house nearsugarcube conner
and went to war and broke his horn in battle he lives alone and spends his life devoted to war history of the ponies.
Flame warior spends most of his time in the
Library reading about war history and famous
Ponies. Flame warior was a orphan pony his
Parents were killed saving somepony from a
Stampede and he was left not knowing what had
Happened and was sleeping alone and helpless
But when a officer stallion found him alone
Sleeping in his parents house he was took
To the orphaning not knowing were his parents
Where but he pictured his parents every night
Tucking him in and sometimes looks at the stars
And thanks his parents for what he had before
There tragic passing
Example RP segment: (Refer to post below)the okward moment.

one morning flame worrior was walking with his freind rainbow flame she stops glances in to his eyes
and says "oh flame im in love with you you make me get butterflys in my stomach "says ranbow flame
flame confused runs becuase he truly feels the same and cant esspress his true emotions and gose home and trys to forget what happend
as his depressions hits he relizes only rainbow can make him happy and as he sleeps that night rainbow wishes on a shooting star for
flame to give all of his feelings to her and then they can soon fall in love.

Acceptance


Last edited by WariorOfFire on Fri Jul 05, 2013 6:27 pm; edited 2 times in total
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mcewanman



Posts : 833
Join date : 2013-02-23
Location : Rivera

PostSubject: Re: flame worrior   Mon May 27, 2013 7:53 pm

Far too bare right now. Expand on his personality and his history, then tell me when you've made the changes. If you want an example of an app with an appropriate amount of content, look into the Earth pony, Pegasi, Unicorn and nonstandard races sections for approved apps.
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WariorOfFire



Posts : 3
Join date : 2013-05-25

PostSubject: Re: flame worrior   Fri Jun 07, 2013 12:04 am

umm flame warrior is my best out of my head charecter and i really cant think of any thing else that i can write so thats what i have sorry thanks for ur coments love my little pony
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Firework



Posts : 152
Join date : 2013-01-08
Age : 22
Location : United States

PostSubject: Re: flame worrior   Fri Jun 07, 2013 4:27 pm

I agree with MC. The personality should be more concrete, perhaps how he reacts to new ponies, why he's usually depressed, etc. Also, there are way too many grammar mistakes in the application. When RPing, members' posts should be grammatically acceptable, and a well-written application gives reason for us to believe that the applicant with make such posts.

Should you choose to try again, please look over your application and fix any grammar mistakes you may find. We allow some, but the amount here is un-approvable.

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mcewanman



Posts : 833
Join date : 2013-02-23
Location : Rivera

PostSubject: Re: flame worrior   Fri Jul 05, 2013 4:31 am

It's getting there, but there are a couple of issues here. The personality is still far too brief. Look in the Earth Ponies, Pegasi, Unicorns or Nonstandard Races sections for examples of a decent length.

Secondly, the grammar in this isn't up to scratch. This might sound petty but on this site we need to keep posts and such easy to read, and reading this was pretty hard. Add a few commas, actually put some capitals at the start of the sentences and structure the sentences properly. For example:

he was a walrus and wanted to join the police but he couldnt so he got a friend who was in it to talk to the ponys in charge but they didn't want to listen

Change it to:

He was a walrus and wanted to join the police. However, they didn't let him in because he was a bucking walrus. He had a friend in the force who tried to talk to his superiors but that weren't having any of it.
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PostSubject: Re: flame worrior   Today at 12:53 am

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